daily thoughts

people with mental disorders and shame/hatred

too often i see so many ppl with mental disorders that cope with their condition by shaming themselves and hating on others. 

like ppl like these:

their reply under the og tweet. its interesting how the way they speak didnt
even get them to clean up their room so it didnt really help but they think that it did

i hate psychoanalyzing people and ppl who psychoanalyze others bcuz u will never truly know what someone is really like/what theyre thinking abt. BUT let me just do it this one time

im not saying theyre wrong or right but i see so many ppl like this. im like this too im ngl. i dont have depression but i just hate a lot of things abt my life and i have other problems that are not depression 😭and this is how i cope too. 

its so weird how i both love and hate other people that are like me. i always intrinsically feel empathetic towards other ppl that behave like me because ive been there too but then i also absolutely hate them because they remind me of myself. 

when i hear about all the horrors in the world, i feel like crying which shows that i have empathy towards others and strangers. but whenever i actually get close to someone, i just lose all my empathy 💀the phrase familiarity breeds contempt is something that i can relate to too much cuz it happens everytime 😭i feel sad whenever i see a stranger being sad but then i cant even do the simplest good deed for my friend. im so sick bruh. im so terribly complicated

yknow relating back to the last post i made abt friendship i think i was raised with enough decency and empathy towards strangers but not being able to form good long-lasting friendships just damaged something in my brain. well not damaged just never developed. or i got some personality disorder from my mom cuz my mom acts a lot like me too.

it sucks dealing with low self esteem. genuinely how do u help urself. relating back to that tweet i posted, i also feel like i should just suck it up and do shit by myself but that really isnt helping me with my self esteem. i cant seem to gain any compassion for myself. living with low self esteem is crazy bro i genuinely believe that im going to have to live with this forever. because getting rid of it might be the hardest thing to ever do. 

unrelated and unserious but i would go so hard if i was a fictional character. im soo... multifaceted. 

i hate the word easy

easy has got to be one of my least favorite words of all time. and yes its cuz of my low self esteem. i cant stand it whenever ppl say something is easy while i struggle to even comprehend it. like no making friends is not easy. studying is not easy. analyzing is not easy. learning music theory is not easy. being kind is not easy. its hard like SHUT UP!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭

i really should stop comparing myself to others but idk how. ive actually been trying not to but i still do it without even thinking 💀 i genuinely hate people who can just be content and happy learning on their own and not compare themselves to others

since everyone copes and improves themselves in different ways. bro i genuinely think the only thing that can change me is watching/reading a piece of a fiction so life altering it actually inspires me to better myself. i mean thats basically what ashita no joe did to me. but i need another one thats about not comparing urself to others 💀 the best medicine is not laughter, its art actually. i cant believe watching anime and reading manga is the only thing that can fix me