i dont really mourn my teenagehood at all like maybe 10% but i lowkey dgaf. but something i do mourn is how it basically ruined me to function normally. like i have a very skewed view on relationships. i do like my friends but sometimes i just be hating on them for no reason 💀 and i genuinely dont know why ðŸ˜
idk maybe i still have the lowest self esteem possible and i truly cant believe people actually like me and enjoy hanging around me so i start to hate them because i think theyre faking?? 💀something inside me just wont let me be normal. maybe i wish for too much idk. cuz i do like my friends but we dont do anything outside of school and barely ever text. maybe this is normal and i just watch too much fiction to start thinking of life as a movie where u and ur best friends do everything together when it isnt.
im an introvert but i truly hate being alone ðŸ˜and i dont mean loneliness alone i mean like alone alone i hate being by myself all the time but i also hate being around others who i cant connect with 💀
also bro my friends dont ever tell me anything bro ðŸ˜ðŸ˜like i show them everything like my art, comics, my grades, my assignments but they dont 💀 like i have c's and b's that i proudly show to my friend but she wont show me hers like girl is it really that serious. and i also tsalk abt my problems and my feelings to my friends and they dont really know how to respond and thats fine honestly. i just wish they would do the same to me so i dont feel like im yknow like burdening them. i wish i could have a friend where we werent afraid to be truthful, genuine, and serious when we have to be. bro all my friendships are so irony poisoned. maybe they dont talk to me cuz im terrible at comforting ppl or being nice IDK my friends wont tell me stuff so IDK ðŸ˜i hope im someone good to talk to 💀sometimes i wonder if my friends really see me as a friend or just someone to crack jokes with (which i enjoy dont get me wrong but like i said i wish for too much i think). or maybe theyre all doing mentally well and im the mentally sick one so they dont have any problems to tell IDKK. KMS
having no friends as a kid truly messes u up bro. well... i did have atleast 1 friend every year so like idk why im like this. i still dont really understand the concept of friendship like idk how to define it. but ig im still learning abt it.
and man ive been having the worst existential dread since the #news hit and the #files released. i genuinely cant believe how cartoonishly evil such few people in this world are. genuinely got sick to my stomach hearing the things our government officials and world leaders are committing. i couldnt sleep for like 2 days and i even felt like crying. i feel so bad for all the children who got victimized. i genuinely hope every conservative dies for real. i dont care anymore. and i cant believe so few ppl are talking abt this too like how can u be normal after reading all this.
irony poisoned friendships ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
ReplyDeletebeuhh people definitely like you, you wouldnt have any friends otherwise. also in HS youre basically living in a small controlled bubble so once you're out you can find people more suited to you. like they say theres someone for everyone..
and dw broat youre good to talk to!! for fun convos or advice or random stuff everything i think your conversational skills are good. i wish i could be as initiative/expressive as you bruh😢
idk how ur friends are but maybe they feel the same and dont wanna burden you with stuff esp if they think itll add onto your problems.
might be later than other people but i believe youll figure out friendship stuff soon & can have a nice friend circle. cuz you actually try to improve and i mean even just through about 2 years in HS you improved a lot 🫶
also idk what you look on but i see a ton of stuff about the news/files basically every day. and man every time something new is revealed its worse than the last news 💀
yeah i know i know that my friends do like me but my brain or my heart just wont believe me. its going against logic 💀
Deletei just wish they would be more open yknow like girl wont even show me her grades (its not that important ik but its things like these where i question how much ppl trust me)
i need people to die bro. i need #those people to die. it doesnt even have to be painful bro we just need them gone from this world im so serious. it genuinely fills me with dread just waking up to one bad news after another every morning. literally how are u supposed to feel optimistic abt the future when so much bad stuff is happening (that is caused by very few ppl btw)