daily thoughts 10/30/25

i lowkey hate kpop

ok well idk. i just wish kpop wasnt so oversaturated. i want to find more korean music thats not just kpop but its so hard to find because nobody talks abt korean music besides kpop. im trying to find actual korean artists too not korean american because theyre going to have completely different identities. and its so hardd man. also most kpop is hot garbage im ngl. everything is just soo... bluh. ive tried multiple times to get into kpop and everytime it has failed. i give up bro

i just want to get over college apps bro 😭😭

ts is genuinely taking up so much of my time man literally i have no time to do anything else oh my god i just want to GET OVER IT!!!!!! PLSSS ill finally be free after all my apps are done

october music !!!

my favorite roblox games

ive been on roblox for almost 12 years now. its abt time i make a favorite games list. its really hard to pick favs because i lowkey forgor some of them. and also some of them got deleted. but i still have a lot of favorites. this is just my personal opinion btw and also heavily based on just my own memories with them. ok anyways listing time

10. the normal elevator

a 2015 roblox classic. still fun to play from time to time. but with no updates it gets a little boring because youve seen all the floors. but still had very fun and vivd memories with it

9. theme park tycoon 2

a very well made game and very fun. i had so many memories creating the worst theme parks youve ever seen in your entire life. i wouldve put it a lot higher if i didnt suck so bad at theme park architecture

8. bloxburg

another classic. i just dont play it a lot anymore. but i do think this is the best house building game on roblox and there are frequent updates and new things being added every now and then which make it fun. and ive seen a lot of people build so many creative things just from playing bloxburg its incredible

7. scuba diving at quill lake

idk if this is the right spot but its a very special game. even tho i dont play it anymore. had so much precious memories playing this game with my friend. it makes me feel so much sad nostalgia. i remember it being very fun to play tho. and it takes me back to when life was so much simpler. 

6. fentanest

this game was what set off my love for showcase games on roblox. and i still think its such a great build with great atmosphere and story. i remember when u were able to comment on roblox games and i was trying so hard to figure out what the story behind this game was with other commentors. also i love the music in this game and i just found out its from joji. oh. hm. 

also back then my theory for this game was that its definitely about a shut in person. and they are like a doctor or something?? some type of scientist because they had things in jars. and also they lost someone i think?? idk i forgot what my theory was. but its definitely abt a shut in lonely person. also it takes place in the future. like AKIRA's neo tokyo

5. the vibe cafe

one of my favorite newer games on roblox and im pretty sure this game was one of the pioneers of vibe games on roblox. its so good man. so many places to explore in such a small place. great atmosphere. and frequent updates which make it fun to play. and there are many secrets that u can explore as well. i love games like these. and u can just stay in this game to chill and listen to the music. 

4. tower defense simulator

the one game that i actually still play on roblox and that i actually play daily. tower defense simulator. its a very good game bro idc if ppl call it overrated or something. its very well made and very fun to play. the best of the tower defense games go kys if u disagree. the tower designs are great and the skins are also great. however i will say that some of the skins are so frustrating and grind-y to get that it makes it not fun. but it still a good game and literally the only game that i play a lot on roblox anymore

3. 2018 egg hunt

an actual masterpiece of a game. the greatest egg hunt ever made on roblox EVER. i had so many good memories playing this one. and i remember it actually being super fun. it reminded me of the super mario galaxy games. i played it almost daily during 2018 easter. it was so fun to get the eggs. and omg the maps are so gorgeous man. i still join this game sometimes and just walk around the maps because it feels so immersive. and the music too. it was incredible. also the mechanics were also very fun to use. ppl saying this game is overrated genuinely just want to be different so bad. this game is one of the best games on roblox no joke. i will glaze this game till the day i die. 

2. work at a pizza place

the most goated and well respected game on roblox tbh. the fact that this game has survived all the way from 2008 is crazy man. and it actually still gets updated and has a good player count is astonishing. i love work at a pizza place. its so simple yet so original and also fun to play. and the christmas updates just take you to another place man. the nostalgia is strong with this one but its still a genuinely good game. 

1. pokemon brick bronze

no i will never get over pokemon brick bronze. genuinely a top 3 roblox game for everyone not just me. and im ngl this one of the best pokemon games ever made as well. (kinda biased since i only played 2 pokemon games in my life but idc im right). the story was great and actually intriguing although simple. the new locations were fun to explore. tbh pokemon in general is a good concept so any pokemon game will be fun because its like u never know what pokemon ur gonna encounter in the wild so it always makes u feel intrigued. so pokemon brick bronze got that plus but still pokemon brick bronze was such a fun game bro. i remember i played this game while it was still a paid-access game and there were only like 3 gyms. ill never forget how many hours i spent on this game. my old team... pokemon brick bronze ill never forget you my goat... it was such a well-made, fun, exciting, creative, passionate game project. i will always hate nintendo for copyright striking this game.

god this post is so long but im gonna make it longer. 

honorable mentions!!!

arsenal - i just dont play it that much anymore

super bomb survival - great game but not top 10 worthy imo

rblxware - i wouldve put this in the list if i still played it

robloxian waterpark - nostalgia bait

natural disaster survival 

survive the disasters - classic nostalgia bait

oobja - beautiful gorgeous game and i loved it so much but i just couldnt fit it into the list

mashables - very fun and unique game i wish the creator remade it so that the bugs would be fixed

beach house roleplay - nostalgia bait

roblox's top model - nostalgia bait

make a cake - very fun but also nostalgia bait

+ many other showcase games (i have so much more showcase games that i love but i would not be able to fit them all here, maybe i should make a top 10s list just for roblox showcase games)

happy 12 years of roblox me

daily thoughts 10/27/25

ryuichi sakamoto again bruh omg how many posts can u make abt ryuichi sakamoto girl get over it 

been reading/watching ryuichi sakamoto interviews instead of doing my homework and he really was such a interesting guy but also like everyone else

in 2009 when he was 57 years old he said something like im no revolutionary. i havent left any piece of music that changed history. im an insignificant individual.

like ok... its crazy how self-critical he was of himself. im ngl im like that too. except i actually do suck at creating. 

and also he said how the one thing in his life thats preventing him from enjoying himself is satisfaction because he can never gain any satisfaction from any of the music that he had created. 

wow hes just like me fr. it made me think alot abt myself too because im extremely self critical too and i feel like i just cant enjoy anything that i create because its all trash. but maybe im wrong. maybe my work is meaningful to someone but not me. im working towards becoming an animator and ill maybe work in the animation industry. i think every animator's dream is to make their own story come to life. mine too ig. but im such a terrible writer. it will take me forever to get good. 

also in elementary school, ryuichi had to fill out some paper that was like what do u want to be when u grow up and he just put down nothing. (just like me fr) because he didnt want to be put in a box and just wished to live freely. inspiring 8 year old 

and when asked why he emphasizes "noises" in his music rather than like actual melodies, he said that he wanted to free himself from manmade things. and that the greatest purpose in life is to live freely. he said that he never even wanted to become a musician, its just that his environment just led him to this occupation. i think thats amazing because it feels so stress-free. just living with what life gives you. hes just like everyone else yet he did so many incredible things. i love how much ryuichi sakamoto loves ordinary people. he said that he never wanted to become famous and just fade into a crowd. being one with people and nature. 

i wish i could love life and music half as much as ryuichi sakamoto. GODD WHY DID U TAKE RYUICHI SAKAMOTO INSTEAD OF THOM YORKE OR TATSURO YAMASHITA 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔

daily thoughts 10/26/25

rantingggg

bro i cant stand ppl whos only goal in life is to get a job with good income like really u dont have ambitions for anything else???? i wont judge you for wanting to have a good job and make a lot of money because thats what everyone wants but ur telling me u dont care abt anything else but that

stem majors are actually demons bro. most stem majors are like this. like i like to read the school newspaper sometimes and this actual human being said that he uses chatgpt for everything and doesnt gaf abt learning or anything else except getting into a good college so that he can get a good job. 

like theres no way

but

but adding onto the above paragraph, i understand why people use chatgpt tho sometimes school really is that grueling. 

i know ppl say that learning is supposed to be challenging but i believe its supposed to be both challenging and fun not challening and stressful-- which school is

i saw one person on twitter say something like how they never use chatgpt and are able to write 5 page essays in one sitting and get an A on all of them. and they basically said that to convince people to not use chatgpt. and im like bro ur not gonna convince anyone with this argument 💀esp when society is built around competition. ppl are just gonna feel like shit hearing this and continue to use chatgpt because whats the point if theres someone out there whos way better and smarter than you

the reason ppl use chatgpt is because school is literally all abt grades and not learning (like maybe 10% learning and 90% get good grades or go to hell)

but i also understand that some people just sadly dont care abt learning at all. they just wanna have a good job and a nice house and dont think at all ever

to make anyone feel better: i dont use chatgpt and i write all my essays and get mediocre grades on all of them. ill never use chatgpt. maybe i will use it once for other things but never for art or writing. im getting that never used chatgpt for anything award

edit

BJORN ANDRESEN DIED???

song otd 10/25/25

Today's song of the day is Oh Gosh by Donovan! oh gosh i forgot how much i loved this guy. I used to have a big folk music phase when i was 13 i need to bring it back. especially since its turning autumn. perfect time to listen to music like this. I still love donovan's music. his music gives me the same bliss as buddy holly. where it feels like ur in a dream. just soft emotions all around. i love when artists make music abt just feeling warm and comfortable. warmth and comfort is needed sometimes. ty donovan

also i dont want to make a seperate post for this so

today i spent like an hour reading ryuichi sakamoto interviews instead of doing my math hw huhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i need ambition

daily thoughts 10/24/25

ymo is such a likable band

ymo is such a likable band bro like ive literally never seen a single person say that they hate ymo. theyre such a likable band. they actually have good music, and have a cool aesthetic, and the band members are actually decent good human beings and not pedophile hitlers like most musicians are. like lowkey if u hate ymo then u will die and go to hell 

ymo will always be my favorite band of all time i think cuz like even if i find a band with better music i think ill still hold ymo dearly in my heart partly because they were important to me and partly because theyre like the only band that i know where the members are actually good people

daily thoughts 10/23/25

music

lowkey been listening to music lately. also made me wanna check out some old favs so i went to listen to pyg. 

this song still a banger also went to the comments and found out doechii of all people sampled this song. wtf...

also i listened to laura nyro's eli and the thirteenth confession today and that album might genuinely be a new fav. its not what i usually listen to in terms of genre but something abt that album just hooked me 

being chronically online has its benefits

ok guys i know that sounds insane but hear me out

everytime someone talks to me abt their interests i 10/10 times i know what theyre talking abt even if i never actually watched/read it 

like i know literally every single fandom because ive been on the internet for so long. and i know literally every single meme and reference. 

song otd 10/23/25

Today's song of the day is House Phone by Kraftwerk! bruh ive listened to like 20 kraftwerk songs today i think im going insane. anyways um techno pop best kraftwerk album. i love computer sounds. i love synth. and uhh ymo >>> kraftwerk

song otd 10/22/25

Today's song of the day is Nao Tem Nada Nao by Marcos Valle! im lowkey running out of things to post so im returning back to song otds. i feel like ive been too busy to think lately. anyways

i love songs like these so much. something abt them are so nostalgic to me for some reason. this samba funk combo. and i love the way marcos valle sings in this so much. kinda raspy

me and bro:

also terezi is so fun to draw

also do any of yall just ship something just because they look aesthetically pleasing cuz thats lowkey me with davekat and vrisrezi like OKK maybe ill ship them for actual good chemistry purposes im just not that deep into the story yet. but i like seeing fanart of them cuz its sooo aesthetic

song otd 10/20/25

Today's song of the day is Epilogue by YMO!!!!!!! technodelic more like peaknodelic. anyways this song is how u end an album fr. its songs like these that make me wonder just how much ymo inspired video game composers because the part at 1:43 sounds like somthing i would hear from super mario galaxy.

also i find it interesting how i can tell which ymo member composed which song. like this one i immediately knew was composed by ryuichi cuz i know how much he loves instrumental music and ambient music. and just noises in general

and the entire bgm album is mostly yukihiro and the first ymo album is mostly hosono-centric. everyone has such a distinct composing style i can immediately tell.

my finished claymation!!!

I finally finished my claymation guys!!! it did not take that long as i thought. anyways im pretty proud of this one!!

daily thoughts 10/19/25

yall ever think abt how theres a real movie out there where ryuichi sakamoto is gay for david bowie cuz thats so funny now that i think abt it

speaking of ryuichi bruh im so mad at myself for not getting into ryuichi sakamoto/ymo sooner cuz ive known abt them since i was 8

ok well ive known ryuichi since i was 8 and ive known abt ymo since i wasss like 16 i think. i think the first time ive ever actually heard abt ymo was through infinity train when i was 13 but my brain just somehow forgot abt that for some reason

dudeee im so mad. i couldve atleast watched ryuichi's last piano performance livestreamed on youtube if i had gotten into his music earlier god dammit man. but also maybe its for the better cuz i could not have handled getting the news that ryuichi sakamoto passed away. 

also its gonna be almost an year since ive got into ymo. i think i got into them during like march i think so its been like 7 months. happy ymo year

finished homestuck act 4

now im on act 5 and omg im finally getting a proper introduction to HIM now

after 2000 pages 💀im finally meeting the karkat vantas guys im so excited

song otd 10/19/25

Today's song of the day is Blu by Ryuichi Sakamoto! ohhh how i love this song. this song is on my ryuichi on repeat rn. its feels so blissful to listen to this. it sounds like a story about acceptance and freedom. 

the beginning of the song sounds like confusion but assurance at the same time like u dont know whats going to happen but u feel safe. i like the main melody being carried only by the flute because the flute is like a childlike instrument to me. since the flute belongs to the woodwind family, its similar to a recorder (the first instrument i ever played in a school music class) thats why it feels so childlike to me and also cuz its so airy. 

and then more instruments layer on. and then when the brass section comes in full force its like confusion turned into clarity and now u feel so triumphant and grand. none of this makes sense

brughhh shut up im listening to Yellow Magic Orchestra -  DAS NEUE JAPANESE ELEKTRONISCHE VOLKSLIED [Live @ Roppongi Pit Inn, 1978] Restored

song otd 10/18/25

Today's song of the day is 素敵に・・・(How Beautiful...) by Hikaru Genji! "Well guys... I guess this really is goodbye... but we'll never forget each other right? Let's all meet again someday! I'll miss you guys" ass song 💀

bruh i had this song in my drafts since january imma just post it rn cuz i got nothing to post today. also hikaru genji is still goated. peak rollerskating boyband. 

also this song is still really nice. really bittersweet guitar. i lowkey kinda miss my idol phase that was crazy

daily thoughts 10/17/25

how is he still goated even in the afterlife

literally my goat forever and always like omg how is he this goated even when as he passed away. also ppl complaining in the comments to stop making his music political... like he hasnt always been politically active since he was literally in highschool and a woke leftist and all of his friends and family are pro-palestine💀 like shut up. talking abt listening to ryuichi sakamoto without factoring in his political views 😭

quitting instagram

quit instagram abt a week ago and it has been wonderful. i feel less hate in my heart now. i havent deleted the app because my friends talk to me on there but besides that i never use it at all now.

also it lowkey pmo when ppl delete all their socials because they wanna improve bro i promise u u can do that without cutting all ur contacts with ur friends

daily thoughts 10/16/25

the six seven takeover...

bruh i used to think the 67 thing was not funny but now whenever someone says 67 i lowkey be laughing ngl. 

in govt class today my teacher said like ok class make sure you know how to answer 6 or 7 of the study guide questions for the test and the whole class just bursted out laughing bro 💀💀 it was so funny man the teacher was like why is everyone laughing

and in oceanography class the teacher was talking abt hurricane speeds i think and she was like 67 mph and i laughed

and my friend was talking abt their family or something and she was like my cousin theyre um... 6 or 7 years old.. and we both started laughing

and then in architect class me and my other friend were measuring stuff to draw something and one of the measurements was 6'-7'' so we laughed

why is this number everywhere man

originality is fake!!! and copying is good

finally learned that being original is kinda impossible because everythings already done before. i used to think that being unique is always the best but not anymore. its not.

i remember when i had to come up with a guiding question for my ap art i tried to be as unique as possible with these weird ass questions but now im glad that i stuck with the loneliness one. and everyone else also tried to do a unique theme like someone was doing something abt teeth for some reason and other was doing perspective i forgor

nostalgia and loneliness are what i know the best so im gonna stick to those themes. 

idk why i tried so hard to be unique. art really is abt taking what u like from ur favorite things and try and attempt to make them better. gonna try and improve on what i already know

i remember when ymo said they werent trying to be unique and just wanted to make music. so true. idk why i didnt follow this mentality sooner.

stay true to urself gang! dont try to be someone ur not

daily thoughts 10/14/25

good music taste

in my opinion a person with a good music taste is someone who listens to multiple genres that dont sound similar. i dont have good music taste. i lowkey be listening to the same 5 genres i know i need to branch out more but im a lazy bum that likes comfort more than experimenting. 

however im gonna change that!!! i promise

listened to 22 min long song today by les rallizes denudes its pretty sick

my fav song on the album is probably romance of the black pain otherwise fallin love with tho i love how blues-y that one is

that one band with the band member who was one of the perpetrators of the ashita no joe plane incident

man i havent listened to rock music in forever

daily thoughts 10/13/25

yeah im definitely making friends in college

or atleast i hope so. ive gotten a lot better at small talk and just being more myself these days. it literally used to take almost an entire year for me to open up to someone but now! it only takes a couple of weeks or a month! 

having a positive interaction with a stranger will literally change you for real. had a convo with this girl at my art class yesterday because we were both volunteering at the same place. and it was pleasant. i love meeting new people man

also my architect friend. i got a lot closer with. i was talking to her abt anything last week. i talked to her abt the demon slayer movie piss incident and i didnt feel weird for talking abt anything that i wanted to. 

feel positive that i will have a friend group in college now. i will. i will. 

cool yukihiro pic

can somebody give me a story idea for these 3

i wrote a little abt their personalities and their relationship with one another but i have no idea what the story should be abt. i lowkey really like these 3 im ngl.

also guys you wouldnt believe what i just found LOOK!!!

found this from an old google slide that i made and omg i was always interested in homestuck??!??? i lowkey forgot all abt this. this entire google slides was so fun to make i should remake this

i also find it funny how i was always interested in karkat and vriska the most even today before i read homestuck those 2 were the ones that stood out to me the most

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1oVhEU_3lvPMOdKVCbX9Cs4eNu6k36l6MjgLCEt5JyRQ/edit?slide=id.g205737ea5b3_2_8#slide=id.g205737ea5b3_2_8

daily thoughts 10/9/25

my cringe interests

erm actually im only into cool niche underground interests but... ill make an exception for a few mainstream popular "cringe" interests 🤓🤓

my actual cringe interests:

undertale/deltarune

homestuck

vocaloid/utaite (kinda not that into it anymore but still)

danganronpa 💔

toh and amphibia (never even finished toh and idgaf abt it anymore but i still like amphibia idc)

mlp (i guess)

tbh thats abt all that i can think of i never watch/read anything mainstream. its not really cuz i want to seem cool and niche its just that almost none of them interest me at all. 

like bro im never watching arcane

my least favorite ryuichi sakamoto song

finally found a ryuichi song that i dislike and its energy flow. that song is so boring man

tbh i dont even know what it is that i dislike so much abt it like it sounds like any other ryuichi composition maybe thats why idk. i love all of ryuichi's piano pieces but this one just doesnt hit for me idk why. i love that part at around 1:24 but thats like the only part that i like. where its a little break and calmness from the other classy highly sophisticated sounds. also i hate how the piece just repeats that one small uninteresting section. i think i just dont like the main melody IDK. cuz theres like this version where it isnt piano and i prefer this version much better

this one i like because of the upbeat percussion. and also the noises in the background. i love noises. ryuichi really made me appreciate noises like i cant stop thinking abt that one documentary of him recording sounds of inside a glacier it was so beautiful. he was like im fishing the sound! hes so special

my least favorite word

is vibe. i hate that word and i hate it when i use it. i hate it because its such a nothing-burger word. this word is like the labubu dubai chocolate matcha of words. it literally says nothing. i only use it when i have nothing to say abt a piece of work or art. like what the hell is sad vibe and happy vibe thats such a shallow way of explaining things. i try not to use it but i only do it so when i have nothing to say.

daily thoughts 10/6/25

thinking abt monster again

thinking abt this movie again and everytime i think abt it i like it even more. i keep thinking abt the line happiness is not happiness if not everyone can have it. i think i really needed to hear that actually. the movie also talks abt isolation and rebirth and im going through similar struggles rn. i know literally like 4 days ago i talked abt wanting to let go of the past but i just had a nervous breakdown so now im down in the slumps again. sometimes i really wish i could just be reborn. 

but that line happiness is not happiness if not everyone can have it keeps me alive. feel like crying everytime i think abt that line. i truly sometimes feel like certain ppl like me were just not destined to be happy. but i remind myself that happiness can be given to anyone and everyone. 

the scene with that line is also beautiful where the principal who has gone through so much grief in her life tells minato to just let his emotions out by teaching him how to play trumpet. im not okay. it was so beautiful seeing this broken adult help out this scared child even though her life was so sad. also i really love this film for not shaming the child characters for having extreme emotional outbursts. 

this movie was actually so great. i love film actually.

happiness is not happiness if not everyone can have it 😊😊

the future

my main goal in life is to actually learn to master the piano and compose my own music before i die. that is truly the one thing that i would want in life before i die. even if its just one song i would be happy that i had made it. literally nothing in life would make me feel more fulfilled

daily thoughts 10/5/25

taylor swift

taylor swift haters are so funny. im talking abt the ones who criticize her for using her private airplane for traveling places because it creates pollution. which is right to criticize dont get me wrong but i know the ppl criticizing her have not ever once cared abt the environment at all. 

shes creating air pollution! - guy who doesnt even know how to recycle, turns on the water while brushing teeth, throws litter on the ground, uses chatgpt, and turns on the air conditioning even when its only a little bit hot

i fucking hate ppl who dont recycle or use chatgpt or turn on the air conditioning for minor heat or turns on water while brushing teeth (this one gets me mad the most) 😭literally the easiest shit ever and u cant even do the bare minimum like TURNING OFF THE DAMN WATER 😭😭

u know it kinda makes me mad that artists i follow only care abt the environment now that ai is taking their jobs. like they did not gaf at all before this whole ai thing. im 100% sure they only care abt ai because its taking their jobs and not cause its ruining the environment. 

homestuck is peak media

dude i just finished the first intermission and now im on act 4 and hollyyyyy oh my goodness gracious i got surprised by the first page of act 4

https://homestuck.com/003258

the fact that its a game is so crazy. a game that u can actually play inside a comic. genius.... i love how interactive homestuck is. i can definitely see why this comic got so popular. i wish i had read homestuck back in 2016-2017 when i was in my undertale phase. i was never interested in it back then for some reason. but now im interested. and im so glad i was interested cuz peak fiction omg. also the music in this is so good bro oh my goaud.

daily thoughts 10/4/25

MENTAL BREAKDOWN!!!

feel like ive been gone for a while but its only been like 2 days lol. anyways i just suffered another mental breakdown thats why ive been gone. but anyways its chill now im back! yay!

speaking of mental breakdowns tho. i really cannot handle even the littlest bit of stress bro im crying. my mental breakdowns always happen for the stupidest reason ever. and when they happen its so bad bro i genuinely cant do anything except lay down in bed because i have the worst headache ever and feel like throwing up. how tf am i supposed to survive as an adult and have a job bro 😭😭its bleak. i cried all day during school on friday and today 💔💔i lied when i said senior year will be my year. sighh gotta wait for college now

book recs

can anyone give me some good book recs i wanna read some more books kinda. after finishing homestuck i wanna read the book no longer human by osamu dazai. i heard its abt loneliness and isolation so its right up my alley. 

some other books i wanna read are:

• the idiot by dostoevsky
• paradise lost by john milton
• divine comedy by dante alighieri

probably not the best books to read for a beginner like me but whatever lol

the who

also ts is really random but the who has got to be the ugliest band ive ever seen oh my god

how do u even manage to look like this. theyre so ugly man oh my god. ive never seen uglier men in my entire life 😭😭

daily thoughts 10/2/25

finished homestuck act 3...

omg it was actually so peak. i think act 3 of homestuck is where it actually starts to pick up. also i disagree with ppl when ppl say that homestuck is confusing. ok well maybe it is but its actually not that hard to follow the story. the sburb game mechanics and captchalogue stuff are confusing but the plot? is actually easy to follow if u pay attention. 

but when ppl say homestuck is confusing. i think they mean it like that its hard to summarize in like a single paragraph because so much stuff happens in just one act 💀 like i know what happened in hs acts 1-3 but if u told me to summarize it i would genuinely have to think for like 30 minutes because so much stuff was happening at the same time. plus theres a lot of timeskips and flashbacks and jumping back and forth between characters. its hard to organize the plotline chronologically. 

but anyways homestuck act 3 was really good ngl. im super excited for what the intermissions and later acts got in store. im almost close to meeting the trolls im so excited. 

broooo need some romantic shit to happen to me...

i want to fall in love and stuffs but like idk nobody at my school is attractive to me 😭i havent had a crush in so long bro last one was like in my freshman year but that ended quickly cuz the dude who i had a crush on cut his hair 💀💀

but anyways sighhhh i wanna fall in love but idk i kinda feel like i only find very little people attractive. i just know when i get to college im gonna be that one dude in the friendgroup who doesnt have anyone. 

i feel like i could just try to become friends with a guy i like at the very least but i dont like anyone 😭all the dudes in my school look the same im ngl. 

i feel so left out bro almost all my friends atleast got asked out by a guy but i never even had my first kiss or held hands yet </3 

this reminds me theres a movie out there i forgot what it was called but i saw screenshots of it and one of the subtitles said something like i feel like im a late bloomer compared to everyone else or something and i know the movie was abt finding ur first love in ur 20s i think. but i forgot what the movie was called NOOOOO. watching that movie rn wouldve healed me. 

almost 18 years old and got no job and barely any experience and is reading homestuck in 2025 im crying

daily thoughts 10/1/25

october

no way its october already man omg. i need to chop chop for real man college deadlines are coming soon.

social anxiety progress

i feel like its been some time since ive talked abt my social anxiety. ive genuinely done so well over these past few months, years, decades 💀

i feel like atleast 60% of my social anxiety is all gone now. like just 2 years ago, i was scared to death of just even asking my classmate whos sitting next to me abt a question. but now its like idgaf. im not afraid to just talk to my tablemates, ask the teacher a question, send emails to my teachers, do phone calls, and more. i just dont care anymore and its been so freeing

im not gonna look back at the past anymore. im actually very hopeful for the future. im soo done of being chained to my past and my childhood (trauma ig). 

i was texting my friend yesterday and she kept telling me that i shouldve taken more ap classes and done more volunteer work and it lowkey pissed me off because what do either of us gain from that conversation. its all in the past and i cant go back in time and take more ap classes and do more volunteer work so why does she keep telling me this. i cant change the past. im doing my best rn to catch up so my god stop telling me that. 

i feel like ive been a lot forgiving to myself a lot lately too. esp that convo that i had with my friend really made me think abt myself. should i have known better and taken more ap classes and have done more volunteer work? probably. but i was also a very deeply chronically online mentally ill and lonely and isolated child with very few friends. and plus my friend is actually close with their sister and has parents who both went to prestigious colleges and actually tells her stuff abt what colleges look for in kids.

would it have been better if i wasnt like that in the past? yeah probably but its in the past now and i cant do nothing abt it. i dont hate myself because i was like that. it was just how i was raised and the circumstances surrounding me at that time. i dont want to be stuck in the past, i want to just stay in the present now. im looking forward to whats to come next for my life. 

volunteering at an elementary school really made me realize that im not a kid anymore. and that i should mature and become an adult and do my best so that the next generation can survive and live and not have a childhood like mine. i hope those kids become really great artists. 

HAPPY END IS NOT CITY POP BRO KILL ALL CITY POP FANS I SWEAR TO GOD 😭😭😭😭😭😭HOW DO U LISTEN TO HAPPY END AND BE LIKE WOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE CITY POP! 💀💀💀💀

side note: also not to mention ryuichi sakamoto in every single post but ryuichi really did change my life. like i would not be thinking like this if it wasnt for him. he cared a great deal abt kids and the new generations and the environment and the world and i hope i can be just like ryuichi some day. he really was the most humblest man ever collaborating with inexperienced artists who are 40-50 years younger than him and still having an open mind abt learning from what the new generation can cook up. it really gives me a lot of hope as someone who has experienced very little of life. i hope that i can one day become like him and gain hope that i can learn anything at any age. i miss him so bad dude. 😭

also this gif of ryuichi is so funny to me bro. WHY DOES IT MOVE 💀💀💀