last song of 2025

The last song of 2025 is Avril 14th by Aphex Twin! genuinely might be one of my favorite songs of all time. i just discovered it but its so calming and pure. I especially love the ascending part at 0:48. i love a simple piano piece so much.

yall think i can play this on piano by ear. (no)

daily thoughts 12/31/25

last day of the year

this year really wasnt that bad! idk if i would say if it was like top tier really good! but it was alright. leaning on the more good side (kinda) wouldve been better if a certain person didnt get elected but it was still pretty good (personally) 

my last album of the year

the last album i listened to was chasm by ryuichi sakamoto because of course

i forgor i still have like hundreds of ryuichi albums that i never listened to. 

i listened to chasm tho and wow its really good. as always. prob a 9/10 for me. hell even a 10/10 its really good i really love it. very unique sakamoto style. 

undercooled was a very unexpected opener idk. when i looked at the album cover i was expecting something like bubbly ambient music with unique sound effects. idk what that even means but yeah. very good. following up undercooled with coro was so funny tho like oh my goodness what a sudden shift 💀💀 and then after coro he hits us with war and peace 😭like okay. i still love it tho i love all the songs. i love this album's commentary on war and peace as the songs suggest. OBVIOUSLY

pian pian piano

im trying to learn how to play by ear bruh omg im convinced ppl who can play by ear are actual aliens because how.

ive been listening to the c major scale for like the past week and im actually unironically starting to memorize certain notes just by listening like oh my god thats a b note.

also i tried playing merry christmas mr lawrence by ear and it was terrible but i actually did manage to get like atleast the first few measures down by my own blood sweat tears and mind. i was thinking so hard what note and chord to play without having to look it up online and it kinda sounded like the song like 60%  this is actually getting kinda fun i love relearning life

yeah um anyways happy new year! shoutout to the best holiday ever. always feel so happy and relieved on new years like wow a whole year passed already... i cant wait for the next one.

homestuck act 6 is BORINGGG

omg bruh act 6 is genuinely so boring they were not lying when they said act 6 sucked ass. idgaf abt any of the alpha kids except roxy. i hate dirk and jake especially bro. theyre just idk what it is but i dont like them😭😭 dirk is annoying and jake is idk hes better than dirk but idk still dont like him. also they take up so much screentime i hate it. get these two mid characters off my screen oh my god. 

roxy pls come back. pls take away all the attention from dirk and jake. 

just more in general

bruh i have so much to say today my goals for next year are umm... get money... get better at piano.. get more into eichii ohtaki, beach boys, aphex twin, akiko yano, and more music in general. 😍😍😍

new years comic and wip!

New Years Is My Favorite Holiday

another comic but with angelo ts time if u even remember him. i like making these comics ngl. theyre good for my emotional wellbeing. but tbh i didnt really wanna do this one idk its not as good as the piano one i did. but whatever i still wanna get this out there. 

its good for me to make comics that are actually sincere and not be a nonchalant irony-poisoned sigma all the time

sketchbook painting wip! 

im painting that one picture i posted on here because i like it. i havent painted in a while so this was kinda a challenge for me but i like how its looking so far. i wanted to do a more free-style of painting rather than hyperrealism cuz i suck at that lmao

daily thoughts 12/30/25

been playing on my nintendo switch again. yes i miss being a kid. and yes i am playing a 7 almost 8 year old game. kirby star allies!!!!1

also i need to hop back on my animal crossing new horizons island again bro but i genuinely forgot how to play. im so confused by everything.

do u guys like my new updated desk i updated it by like 2% lol

some photos i took at a place bro I DONT WANT WINTER BREAK TO END NOOO

i cant play piano.

heres a short comic i made of my oc mary if u remember her at all. 

im trying to build a story with her

I couldve made this better but i didnt really want to put that much time into it lol i just wanted to get it out there

if u know what this comic is abt u get 67 media literacy points

song otd 12/26/25

Today's song of the day is Nanou2 by Aphex Twin! i really love just simple songs like these its so calming and pure. it feels refreshing compared to the overproduced songs of today (not really that bad but its not often u hear something so simple like this)

daily thoughts 12/26/25

just remembered rottmnt... omg i loved that show so much. still love it actually

genuinely the only good modern cartoon that came out in the late 2010s, besides infinity train, after the early 2010s golden era 😭😭i cant believed it got cancelled man. 

it was genuinely so good bro and im not just talking abt the animation

i remember watching it right after the show finale so like in 2020 i think and oh my god bruh it was the first cartoon that actually fit all my tastes and right up my alley. it was so fun. i loved the characters, the action, the artstyle, the themes of family, it was so good. 

it was so creative and such a good way to reinvent the tmnt franchise. honest to god one of the most fun and creative cartoons of all time. genuine game changer. i remember seeing all the incredible fanart made of this show. the way this show got treated still makes me mad to this day.

like after the movie came out in 2022 everyone was like omgg i was so wrong abt rottmnt like damn right u were 😭😭 people literally never gave this show a chance and now theyre calling it the best tmnt iteration I HOPE ALL OF U DIE 💀💀 ppl saying ts were too busy watching slop like amphibia and owl house that they missed out on peak. also i remember ducktales fans dunking on rottmnt because ducktales 2017 was a good reboot and rottmnt was not. like bro ur show wasnt that good either. it fell off so hard and the finale was hot garbage while rottmnt's finale was the greatest episode of all time

but anyways rip rottmnt u will always be remembered

Merry Christmas 2025!

Merry Christmas!!!

wow merry christmas guys. im ngl this christmas was so mid. christmas in general is mid af especially when theres no snow. idk bruh idgaf abt christmas anymore. but im always excited for the new year. new year is genuinely my favorite holiday ever it just feels so hopeful no matter what happened during the past 364 days. i love seeing ppl smile and be hopeful on new years. its such a wonderful holiday. best holiday ever actually 

my christmas gifts

i had more gifts but i didnt like them so i gave it to my dad. im ngl this is pretty good. im not too upset abt what i got this year. i asked for a rowlet plush so my dad got it for me. this is awesome!

song otd 12/25/25

this is honest to god the best christmas song ever actually. i know i already posted this song on this blog but im gonna post it again cuz its genuinely one of the most beautiful songs ever written actually. merry christmas to all. 

this song i know is supposed to be a war song but it encapsulates the feeling of a lonely christmas so well idk. i love you ryuichi sakamoto. merry christmas mr. sakamoto even tho ur not with us to celebrate <3 <3 <3

song otd 12/24/25

Today's song of the day is Pakmovast by Telex! does anyone else think this song kinda sounds like subway surfers theme. the rhythm i mean. anyway this song kinda slaps its very catchy

daily thoughts 12/24/25

why do i lowkey want to experience highschool 2010s-2017. probably cuz i feel nostalgic for this era. i miss 2014-2017 so bad bruh. i wish i could experience highschool during this era. like this video makes me feel so nostalgic for some reason

i miss the 2010s so much bro omg. undertale and steven universe were at its peak. so many good cartoons adventure time, gumball, ducktales... 

nyan cat, kirby animations, cash cash overtime, angry birds, 2014 roblox, 2010s anime, splatoon, mlp, 2010s vocaloid, danganronpa 💀 oh my goodness bro the nostalgia is crazy

also speaking of nostalgia why dont people capitalize on 2012-2017 roblox nostalgia more. everyone is too obsessed with 2000s retroslop roblox nostalgia that 2012-2017 gets completely ignored. i went on my old roblox acc today and i missed when avatars used to be very simple. not complaining abt any of the new avatar stuff tho because it is an upgrade ngl.

miss when avatars used to look like this lol

made some avatars myself: 

this one is my fav

daily thoughts 12/22/25

no longer human qotd

this quote oughhh... how i felt reading the book. dazai is a terrible person but i can feel sympathy for him because ive gone through the same things. no matter how much i hate him i cant help but relate and love him in a sort of weird way because i can see reflections of my own self in him. i am (was) also sort of a social outcast so i guess i have this weird sensibility to have sympathy for ppl like me

also bringing in this scene because it kinda ties into this

mannhgnn this was the scene that almost made me cry. bro it really doesnt not matter if its a show, movie, book, game, whatever any time theres a scene where a character quietly cries to themselves i feel like crying too cuz ive been through that so many times. just quietly singing by urself or whatever oh ym god it makes u feel so alone. i wanna kms

also i forgor to mention in my last post that nothing truly bad ever happened to yozo he just turned this way. which i think is great we need more characters where nothing truly bad happened to them but turn out miserable!!!! i think it just goes to show how everyone feels lonely and isolated but most people often can fight back whereas some people truly just cant do things by themselves. sad that society cant support everyone in this world.

this quote is from that same page. yozo's social anxiety truly was the death of him. social anxiety is truly one of the worst things that could ever happen to a person. im ngl not to powerscale disorders but social anxiety is genuinely so bad 💀 it genuinely makes u a horrible person by default cuz it just makes u fear everyone and always put on a mask which kinda takes advantage of the other person. and nobody gives u actual advice except talk more and stop being scared and theyre lowkey right so u just gotta suck it up. and even worse when ur an adult cuz ppl think being shy is a childish trait. 

im still recovering from the after effects of my social anxiety cuz even when i beat it technically kinda i still have some left and also it changed the way i think entirely that i cannot speak on here cuz those are bad thoughts. ruined years of my life and my mental development that still have impact on me today.

i love piano!!!

i feel like i finally started liking to play the piano again. ngl i used to hate it cuz it was so stressful and i hate repetition. omg bruh i genuinely start tweaking if i keep hitting a note wrong. 

but anyways i feel at ease playing piano now. i think i had major trauma with the piano im ngl i used to cry so many times cuz it was so annoying.

also my piano teacher is rlly great. shes a college student too so she also gives me advice on stuff abt college. 

daily thoughts 12/21/25

finished no longer human

oh my god bruh that was so painful to read and i mean emotionally painful

idk how to feel i hate and love this book at the same time 

osamu dazai was a horrible person but i related to him a lot in this book in regards to feeling alienated and not feeling human. there were so many painful moments where i could relate

its so hard to talk abt this book bro cuz dazai was like a misogynist and a child predator like 😭😭and when i say i relate to this book i dont mean those things bro i swear oh my god

grhrhgrh its so hard its so hard its so complicated. yes this book is amazing but that doesnt mean i like osamu dazai ok got it guys. its kinda like true crime ig like people like reading abt true crime but that doesnt mean they condone whatever the perpetrators did. this book is just a really long suicide note

anyways i almost cried reading this book its too... real. the masking and the fear that yozo describes all throughout his life hurts so bad. he describes himself not as a human being but as a clown always trying to appease others and never thinking abt his own life out of fear. like when his father's friend asks him what he wants to do for the future he gets mad that his father's friend doesnt just tells him how he should live his future 💀

yozo was an interesting character. he thinks hes beyond saving and thinks that hes not even human but he also has an ego that sometimes makes him think that hes better than others. (which is something i can relate!) he hates everyone and also himself (which is something i can relate!) that feeling when u hate everyone but also would never want to be friends with someone like yourself

theres also an interesting scene where yozo (when he was a child) was always doing things to make others laugh and get their approval but then one day a kid tells him that hes just pretending to be stupid which just completely shatters yozo's own self-worth. yknow but instead of yozo hating on that kid, he tries to become friends with him, not out of kindness but to again earn others approval. (which is something i can relate!) i always do this too idk. whenever someone like bumps into me i get mad and want to fight them. but when someone is mean to me in word-form i want to become friends with them. try to prove them wrong and that im not what they think i am. 

the shame and fear and embarrassment that yozo goes through and describes is too relatable for me. i feel like those things shame and fear and embarrassment are truly the things that make life the most detestable. and is the starting point for a life of misery. fear was definitely the biggest cornerstone of my childhood and it really did ruin my life during those years. it truly is the worst. 

theres so many good quotes in this book that i felt represented by but theres so much. this post is gonna be an entire webpage long. and i have so much more to say but as i said its gonna be the longest thing ive ever written. 

feel like maybe ill post one quote from this book everyday. theyre too good

i took so many pictures of certain pages that stuck out to me. fear of criticism might be the worst thing ever. i always try to stay calm on the outside but on the inside i feel like crying uncontrollably whenever someone even slightly criticizes me. it makes me feel like a failure

also i just found out his other book flowers of buffoonery is kinda like a prequel to this book omg i need to read it rn. no longer human was the perfect book for me to get back into reading because it was really short and i felt a deep connection with it (god i need to stop only getting into things that i relate to)

next book

next book im gonna read is picnic at hanging rock. ive always wanted to read this book since i was middle school but for some reason i never did. im gonna do it this time. 

also i love reading classics even tho its difficult for me 💀im genuinely not doing it to be pretentious i just really like the way prose is written in classic books. idk why but modern books turn me off so much i hate the way theyre written. maybe its because most of modern books are written by millennials and they are the most annoying group of people ever.

classics are so fun to read for me even when they have a simple plotline. its the prose for me that hits the hardest i think. or maybe its because ive always had an inclination for anything old and retro idk

daily thoughts 12/19/25

finally started watching anime again. i lowkey missed doing this

im gonna finish the uc gundam trilogy i swear i wanted to watch char's counterattack so bad but to get there i needed to watch mobile suit gundam zz and i havent so im doing it rn 

i actually have so much to do this winter break ohmguyd 

HELPP

i got accepted into every college i applied to which is kinda crazy im ngl i feel like colleges are accepting more ppl now because i made several mistakes on my applications 💀 and they still accepted me

anyways

i was thinking abt attending sva but now im having second thoughts. i was too idealistic abt living in ny but the costs are killing me bruh i cant find a definite cost for sva its all different and i cant find the actual cost on the school website so idk 😭😭 but all of them range from 60k-90k so idk which is the actual cost

if its 60k ill def go but other sources are saying 90k so IDK why dont they put it on their website bro i literally searched everywhere 

brhuhhh idk what college to go to help mee i just wanted to live in a city #ngl

kagepro

after finishing homestuck i think im gonna try get back into kagepro again because im ngl kagepro is literally just japanese homestuck now that i think abt it.

like literally both have special days that occur in the story:

hs: 4/13 

kgpr: 8/15

both deal with timelines (doomed timelines to be even more specific) / diff routes

both got characters with certain special abilities:

hs: classpects + god-tier

kgpr: eye abilities

both got that quirky unconventional aesthetic

both multimedia projects 

both known for being extremely confusing

aint no way bro 

can u believe it guys christmas is in 8 days! guys christmas is in 8 days! 8 whole days guys! wow! i am so happy abt this information!

daily thoughts 12/17/25

no longer human

ok i finally started reading this book again. i read some of it like a few weeks ago but i stopped because i wanted to read it during winter break in a short time. also im writing an essay on my own loneliness and im gonna use this book as inspiration. literaly writing my own no longer human 😂😂

ok im not even done with the book yet but gouddu bro this book is so depressingly relatable. this is why i say i would never want to be friends with someone whos just like me. i hate the protagonist of this book  hes just like me except a little bit worse and has 0 hope for recovery. 

also i did some research and this book is almost a semi-autobiography cuz i read some of osamu dazai's wiki page and the book is literally just a reflection of his own life thats concering.

anyways the people-pleasing, the fear and anxiety of not being seen as worthy, just doing what everyone tells u to do, having 0 ambitions in life, and thinking strangers are weird and offputting whilst also thinking ur weird and offputting and having no self-worth, maybe im a bad person guys 💀

this book really is just for venting im ngl. this book touches on some things that i heavily relate to but would never admit or say it to anyone because they would hate me for sure. its good to read if u want to feel seen of ur own innate flaws. 

song otd 12/15/25

Today's song of the day is Little Saint Nick by the Beach Boys! wow guys can u believe it! christmas! just 10 days away! wow guys! christmas is in 10 days! wow i am so happy abt this information! christmas! guys! christmas is just in 10 days! 

daily thoughts 12/15/25

this async review bro

just read a beautiful review on ryuichi sakamoto's album async and idk what to say other than that its beautiful and i agree. lol. 

da review

its super long but its worth a read imo

ryuichi truly was the greatest of all time. genuinely changed my worldview forever and ever. yknow i swore a long time ago that i would not be scared of anything anymore but i still am and it makes me mad cuz ryuichi sakamoto was out here doing literally everything without being scared while also battling terminal cancer and im here still sitting in my room and wondering when my life will begin. 

but listening to ryuichi always gives me hope and that things will always end up good. this album is really just so sad. he truly poured his entire heart into this one. just thinking abt how many years he has left and using that information to create art till he dies. this album i think really shows what he truly wanted to make in a long time since his 90s releases. in the 90s i think he kinda was in a slump his output wasnt as great as his 80s albums. but this album truly reversed that i think. i read some of his thoughts on the making of async and its really interesting. but i cant find it rn. 

i love ryuichi sakamoto so much bro. he genuinely inspires me so much

this incredible comment under a ryuichi pic on pinterest

listening to yukihiro takahashi's effervescent debut album saravah rn while working on 2 of my summative essays

just thought abt ymo 😭😭😭😭😭

been thinking abt ryuichi and yuki a lot lately i miss them so much bro oh my god. just two bros getting married 🥺🥺

playing with my #karkat plush rn #

daily thoughts 12/12/25

finally finished homestuck act 5 omg.... im finally at the midpoint of the story. 4100 pages read 4000 more to go 

[s] cascade was such a finale bro omg it was so hype moments and aura genuinely how is this webcomic even real. i love how much it plays around with the webcomic aspect. its soo goood. oh my goodness. rose and dave... it was so cool bro omg omg 

but onto act 6 now... i heard act 6 was bad so idk how to feel i gotta endure 4000 more pages ok. but i wont give up!

miss my showa idol phase

lowkey miss my showa idol phase bro that was peak 1980s nostalgic summer romanticizing thinking im a teenage girl in the 80s. 

revisited shonentai's abc and akina nakamori's teenage blue and both of those still go so hard.

i remember when i used to search the depths of bilibili and niconicodouga just to find one single shonentai live performance. good times.

homestuck dti

ts song was lowkey my brainrot yaoislop

also i so badly want to draw ymo as triple baka but my cringe is holding me back

also guys its been 10 months since my ymo obession started. i wonder if its gonna last a long time

song otd 12/11/25

Today's song of the day is dave's theme from pesterquest homestuck uayyy. im so sorry for posting slop on here but this song is actually gem. why is it lowkey tuff. the bass goes crazy and the xylophone is so ear tingling

childhood apps

does anyone remember / or have used razkids 

i remember my kindergarten used to make us use razkids and omg bro this shit was like crack.

if u dont know what razkids is its like an app / website where they have a collection of books and each book u finish gives u like a certain amount of money(??) i think and then u could like decorate ur room with it it was so fun bro i was so addicted. they made reading into gambling bro 

im pretty sure it was cuz of razkids that i was way ahead of my reading level in kindergarten. also i remember in kindergarten they made me took esol for some reason even tho i could write better than the rest of the class 💀bro they made me take esol until 6th grade 😭😭it was fun tho im not complaining. i miss when they used to take me to a special room to take tests and made me skip math class

also does anyone else remember starfall that app was so fun too. i still remember the mouse book/story

12/9/25

12/8/25

mariko shinobu is the best character of all time

daily thoughts 12/7/25

gift review

my friends presents finally came guys omg and theyre peak..

my first friend got me this keychain thing cuz i told her i wanted a keychain and im ngl i like it alot i usually dont like these types of pastel (very trying hard to be cute) kinda keychains but i like it tbh. also its color fits with my bag so goated gift 10/10

my other friend got me this charm thing and a super cool digi camera

idk why its upside down

this camera is actually so cool bro omg. i actually did want a digi camera for christmas but ig since i have this now i dont need to ask. 

also the box is really cute. my friends really came in clutch this year. got so many good presents

inspiration and finding ur own style

questioning my ability as an artist rn. i feel like i have no style of my own idk. in all art forms. my writing and music skills mostly. my art skills are better than my writing and music skills but it still feels empty. like when i make music, i feel like im pretending to make what a song is supposed to sound like. with the basic beat and rhythm and main melody. ik im a beginner but its still so. and when i write its the same thing, im just writing what ppl think is "good writing" and dont have an actual writing style of my own. 

i know taking inspiration is good but i feel like when i take inspiration it has no substance or unique flavor added to it. im just straight up copying 😭

when i think abt this i think abt ryuichi sakamoto (not to bring him up in every post but he means so much to me and hes just very interesting in general) 

as much i love ryuichi's music, i lowkey think he had the same problem as me. (kinda) im mostly talking abt his 90s era. 

like he is a contemporary artist so that means he does multiple different musical genres. and its really impressive how diverse his discog is. but it also weakens his ability to truly master one specific genre. 

like all of his albums are good like none of them are less than a 7/10 but a 10/10 album?? without bias-talking. idk if he has one. (objectively speaking -- not my own opinion because i think almost all his albums are 10/10 😂😂) but anyways

ryuichi truly could make music of any genre and actually make them sound good. but i dont think he truly like fully mastered one style EXCEPTT when he finally stopped branching out and just focused on ambient and piano pieces in his final years. 

his album async is soo good 😭😭😭it truly is one of his best imo. just so. i could tell he put his entire ryussy into this oh my god. just such a sorrowful, heartbreaking, but also beautiful album that reflects on his life infected with cancer and learning to enjoy the beauty of the earth in his last years. even he admits async is probably his best album. ong ong 

i have to agree i think async and also thousand knives are probably his best albums (or atleast for me) i love thousand knives because it was his very first album and you can hear and feel how experimental it is and has had so much hard work put into it and also the pretentiousness (but good pretentiousness lol) he made thousand knives for masters degree final thesis and i just love how pretentious it is like ik he was thinking "ts is so tuff" and it is. i love it when students feel proud of their work. and also thousand knives is one of my fav songs of all time so he cooked for sure. 

ok but anyways i forgot this was originally abt me. idk how to find my own style for my life. guess i just gotta keep doing art and eventually figure it out. experiment like ryuichi ig. 

omg bruh this is so long