daily thoughts 11/30/25

havent been going on my blog as much lately because i got addicted with bloxburg... bro its so fun when  u actually know what u wanna build.. ive been playing this all thanksgiving break. sacrified my thanksgiving hw over ts 💀

anyways heres my november music that nobody gaf abt

song otd 11/29/25

Today's song of the day is Refractions in the Plastic Pulse by Stereolab! god i hate long ass songs like 17-20 min songs. 10-12 mins is like the max for me but ill listen to a long song every now and then. i hate long songs cuz some of them do not need to be 20 minutes long bruh if ur gonna make ur song 20 mins long then atleast have some interesting changes in them. 

anyways this song passes the 17 min long song check for me. its lowkey more like multiple songs put into one track and im fine with that. finally listened to stereolab because spotify wont stop recommending this band to me and why are they kinda peak. i love music that sounds like this.

song otd 11/25/25

Today's song of the day is Toumei Answer from Kagepro! oh my god bro the nostalgia from this song is absolutely insane. i love kagepro man 😭😭😭yknow now that i think abt it kagepro kinda like homestuck yknow with all the time shenanigans and diff powers chars have. feel like im drawn to media where the plot is confusing as hell for some reason. even tho i can barely comprehend it. 

but ooh my god bro shintaro and ayano bro oh my god... ayano i love you so much... the story of this mv is abt this girl ayano who tries to get close to this boy shintaro. and shintaro is like idgaf abt anything cuz he always gets good grades but doesnt care abt life and its like whatever. ayano is like the opposite where she does terribly academically but is kind and cheerful. she folds the 100% score test grade papers that shintaro doesnt care abt and throws away into a paper crane. but shintaro still doesnt gaf and throws away the paper crane again.

and then like a day later, ayano commits suicide for (an unknown-- actually its a spoiler-- reason) and shintaro feels so guilty he shuts himself into his bedroom forever. these two make me insane. i need to dive into kagepro again bro.

this song is making me cry bruh... i remember when i tried to learn how to fold origami cranes so that i can fold someone's bad test score paper into a paper crane. turning their sadness into happiness like in kagepro. anyways i couldnt do it cuz i suck at folding origami. 

also i miss when vocaloid songs used to be quiet and calm like this. i feel like so many vocaloid songs nowadays are so loud and made to be catchy its getting so annoying. i also miss when vocaloid songs used to have mvs like this. like they actually tell a story. instead of a still image. vocaloid used to be so much quieter man. what happened

daily thoughts 11/24/25

got into the mamas and the papas...

remembered my massive classic rock and folk phase from when i was 13 and i used to listen to the mamas and the papas a lot. and its back now. perfect for the autumn and winter season...

just watched a 50 min video on mamas and the papas lore oh mein gott

john phillips is burning in hell rn and cass elliot you will always be the goat.

https://www.youtube.com/@EmmaRosaKatharina/videos

btw this channel is so great i love listening to them talk abt 1960s and 70s band drama and fashion and culture. theyre my fav to listen to when im bored or doing something else to put in the background. emma rose katharina you will always be famous

CASS ELLIOT 😭😭😭😭😭

this picture of cass elliot and julie andrews... oh mein gott from this vid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lx-YZVfT3cI

also i remember during like 2023 when i had to move i had to ride a 14 hr plane ride. so i listened to mamas and the papas california dreaming for literally like half the entire plane ride. 

speaking of bands, i thought abt the bands i used to be obsessed with in my life:

the beatles

led zeppelin (i regret this)

pink floyd

rolling stones

shonentai

talking heads

YMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i regret my classic rock phase bro it was so cringe but it really was the entryway for me listeing to more music outside my comfort zone. anyone who listens to classic rock really are 13 years old cuz that was me too. also it was the entryway for me getting into retro stuff. im still really interested in 1960s-1980s pop culture and aesthetics

daily thoughts 11/22/25

deep and profound post

a long time ago (on twitter 💀) i would constantly see posts abt mental illness and one i remember was like how nobody can save you except urself ultimately. back then i used to disagree but now they were lowkey right im ngl... 

i disagreed because i didnt want to believe it cuz i was so anxious i thought i was gonna stay like this forever 😭 i wanted someone to magically cure my anxiety and obv that didnt happen 💀so i actually took very small steps beginning from freshman year. and then bigger steps as i grew up. it was truly devestating to find out im the only one that can save myself. but i did it yay. 

also another thing i see a lot is ppl saying that their biggest regrets were missing oppurtunities because of shyness and idk why but i never felt this type of regret. i missed out a lot i guess but idrc tbh. i grew up isolated so it was to be expected but now i broke free and its like yeah. i didnt do much of anything in my childhood but thats ok. 

feel like i matured a lot emotionally (HOPEFULLY 😭😭)  cuz i feel so content with myself rn. i actually feel happy to be on this planet for once. like why is everything suddenly beautiful lowkey. i remember when i was a kid i wanted to be super famous and get a lot of attention but now i just want to blend in with the crowd. be an ordinary person like everyone else. its so funny how everything is the opposite now for me. from wanting to be noticed to just wanting to blend into the background again. idc when i see a group of girls hanging out in public. idc when younger ppl are more talened than me. idc. i like the way i am. wow... so deep and profound... already said this but i dont feel bad for having anxiety... its just the way my life went due to circumstances.

also a long time ago i saw a post saying that learn to enjoy being left out sometimes. they were talking abt stuff like how the world doesnt have to revolve around you. and be happy to see that ur friends can enjoy things without you. (bruh ik this sounds terrible its cuz i worded it so badly, the og post did not sound this condescending, but i cant find it rn so just trust me) and i disagreed hard with that sentiment but now i get it. its ok that my friends hang out without me im glad they had fun. its ok my friends have other friends. i got myself and thats alright for me. basically like u wont always be included in (thats just the truth) learn to live with it (to an extent, obv if ur friends are obviously excluding you then thats bad but most of the time its due to other factors-- they are not trying to be purposefully mean) 

i feel like i reached nirvana bro 😭😭for the first time in my life i enjoy being alive. i want to live

also i tried making another song

song otd 11/20/25

Today's song of the day is Free Trading by Ryuichi Sakamoto! ive been obsessed with this song for the past week idk why. it sounds like its from a game i played long time ago idk what. its so peak... i love asian music scales. also so obsessed with the jazz-style cymbal hitting here it compliments the whole song so well. 

this song is actually a cover of oshare tv's asia no koi. 

also very awesome and nostalgic. sounds like a jpop song i listened to a very long time ago (idk what) anyways this ver is also so good bruhh. this entire album is lowkey crazy. and i love that album cover. 

i love how harmonic all the instruments sound in this one. so many working well together. the bass the violin 🤑🤑🤑its actually so peak bruh aint no way

daily thoughts 11/20/25

yall ever think abt how ymo led to the creation of sonic the hedgehog.

yuji naka, one of the co-creators of sonic, credited ryuichi sakamoto and ymo as one of his biggest reasons for pursuing to be a video game developer and i think thats crazy

bro literally every video game dev and video game music composer glazes ymo so hard. 😭😭like they really were the blueprint

shu takumi, creator of ace attorney, loves ryuichi sakamoto so much bro he literally named the protag (ryuichi naruhodo/phoenix wright in eng) after him 🥀🥀

so crazyyy

ts song is literally just thousand knives by ryuichi 😭😭😭😭

and im pretty sure i alr mentioned this but akira toriyama (creator of dragon ball) says that ymo is his fav band of all time and theres tons of ymo references in db

and a lot of other vg devs like ymo too. and i mean a lot of them. cant name them all and cant remember them all but im 90% sure there isnt a single video game dev or composer out there that dislikes ymo like literally every single one just absolutely loves ymo 😭😭

speaking of ymo / music

lowkey excited for this years spotify wrapped.. i already know what my top 3 most listened to are but still💀 i like to think that i branched out my music taste a lot this year. i listened to more than 800 songs all from diff artists this year lowkey proud. and listened to a lot of new albums and discovered new genres. discovering ymo this year has truly been groundbreaking for me. what would i have been without those 3 goobers.

daily thoughts 11/19/25

beatles v beach boys

idk why but i lowkey hate the beatles now idk why 😭😭something abt them just pisses me off and idk what. remembering my cringe beatles phase from when i was 13 and they were an important part of my life and also got me interested in retro stuff but now i just cant stand them for some reason. i still like some songs but now its just whatever bro. 

i like the beach boys now. i remember when i was 13 i used to find beach boys fans annoying cuz they were always talking abt how the beach boys were better than the beatles. ive opened my eyes now. tbh its still annoying when they do that. but i lowkey agree now 💀 the beach boys have such a feeling to them. their songs abt trying to desperately fit in a society that doesnt want them. and loneliness and isolation but also love. its so beautiful. and learning abt brian wilson's past now, the songs hit even harder. he went through a lot of abuse. but through his trauma, he still continued to make beautiful music.

homestuck makeship... plushies...

BROO THE HS MAKESHIP PLUSHIES ARE COMING BACK..; AND I CANT HAVE THEM... 😭😭

I WANT THEM SO BAD BUT THEY ALL COST LIKE 50 DOLLARS 😭😭😭😭😭 brah... theyre so cute... i need them both so bad... i cant believe this... makeship why are u so expensive

being chronically online is bad 

ik i just made a post abt how being chronically online is lowkey not that bad but its also really bad actually. bruh i wish i read more books instead of being on the internet. cuz when i was 13 and lonely i used internet and watching shows as escapism and that affected me so badly now that i think abt it. cuz i cant engage with media in a critical way. i keep getting into media just to escape reality bro how do i stop this. i need to learn how to close read and analyze bro omg 😭😭

think i need to watch more movies and listen to more music outside of my comfort zone cuz those dont have fandoms

daily thoughts 11/18/25

this post...

i know for a 1000% that this post is ragebait but still bro what coworker is listening to thousand knives of ryuichi sakamoto. BROO WHAT COWORKER IS LISTENING TO AKIKO YANO 😭😭😭OR YMO

idk if this is music that ur japanese coworker listens to or if its abt just japanese coworker music that ur american friend listens to. BUT if its music that ur japanese coworker music listens to then this whole thing is wrong bro. japanese coworker music is radwimps, yoasobi, mrs green apple, fuiji kaze, and ado bro omg never speak of ymo or akiko yano ever again. im gonna cry bro i saw someone in the comments say ryuichi sakamoto is coworker music oh my god bruh IT ONLY APPLIES TO MERRY CHRISTMAS MR LAWRENCE AND ENERGY FLOW literally what coworker is listening to island of woods for 10 minutes or a carved stone for 8 minutes or iconic storage or not the 6 o clock news. bruh this just pissed me off 😭😭

if u hate ymo then u lowkey need to die actually. ive literally never seen a single person in my life hate ymo

daily thoughts 11/16/25

birthdays + adult life

yknow what bro my 18th birthday was the greatest. i feel so content that idc abt my next birthday at all. im happy that i got birthday wishes and presents and cake and went on a trip. idc bro it was the best. now idgaf abt my birthday at all. felt so loved dont need any more to feel fulfilled. just having friends and cake will be ok for me. im just glad i had atleast one good birthday and thats enough for me tbh. now i wanna do the opposite, i want other ppl to have gifts on my birthday. also my friend fell asleep on my shoulder during the bus ride to field trip it was highkey bromantic. i love physical affection. AND also my friend from other state said she sent me a birthday package but its gonna come late so i get even more presents after bday lets goooo

anyways i remember when i used to write myself my own birthday cards cuz nobody wrote me one and always crying on my bday cuz it was so mid 💀 but now i get to hang out with my friends and get presents :) im so glad i broke out of my social anxiety shell. it was v unexpected the way my friendships developed. and i also grew because of them! thx guys! :D

it was hard trying to improve by myself but ppl really do care abt you if u just open up a bit. they think u are kind and funny and will do nice things for you. wow life is so beautiful. i get to have friends and listen to ryuichi sakamoto. 

thinking abt when ryuichi said im just delighted to be living, to be able to have a simple conversation, to feel a ray of sunlight on my skin and listen to the breeze move through the leaves of a tree. me too ryuichi. me too.

also now that im an adult im lowkey scared and excited at the same time. im scared cuz im planning on living in nyc and nyc is expensive as hell. and also my dad is gonna pay for my full tuition and im scared cuz what if i fail bro hes gonna be so mad 😭😭i hope i dont spend my dad's money for nothing bruh. 

but also im excited cuz i get to be on my own and meet new ppl and i get to buy stuff that i want finally... bro there was a record store on the field trip that i went to and they had ymo records and i was genuinely debating so hard on if i should buy it or not. i decided not to cuz they were expensive and my parents gonna be so mad cuz theyre gonna be like u never even use the record player anyway. 

broo when im an adult im gonna buy all the stuff that i want for sure. cant wait

loneliness upd8

speaking of all this...  my loneliness and social anxiety is pretty much gone now i think. i dont feel lonely anymore. i am still alone a lot of the time but i feel content with it. yeah 2 friends is enough for me. i want to focus on my art now that my social needs are fulfilled. i want to be like ryuichi sakamoto and play the piano alone. 

i remember when i wished for my best friend to think of me as their best friend (idk if they did 💀) but now idc! (in a good way) im just glad i have these amazing friends :] doesnt matter if they consider me their best friend. im just glad that i get to be in their life and vice versa

from having social anxiety since i was 3 to 18!!! 😭😭😭its been a long journey

daily thoughts 11/14/25

today was so freaking awesome!!!

went on a field trip with my friend and it was so fun like actually. i missed going on field trips so much. 

went to museums and went shopping and eating but unfortunately me and my friend didnt get to buy anything cuz we ran out of time :( other than that it was actually so peak

some pictures:

my favorites from the art museum:

these 2 were my top favs tho:

i dont remember exactly what the meaning was but ill try my best

this one was abt an artist experiencing 9/11 and seeing all the destruction
and pain of other people. and then i cant recall everything but they had an almost
near death experience and everything was horrifying to them. and this piece
is a reflection of that. i love it a lot. it feels so violent with all the blood-stain-like colors
and the way they twisted the cloth almost looks like organs and the two (cross-hatching?? strip thingies) that go across the artwork feels like theyre trying to heal all the pain but cant. also like how it looks like a window kinda and ur like seeing through the artist's past

this one had no artist statement just a title. the title was a painting of hope and spirit for the haitian people. the us is currently in control of haiti right now and the people have no freedom. and this art is (probably) a response to that. a painting of hope and spirit for the haitian people, no description required. the black and white bricks are all set horizontally showing how life feels bleak. but then there are those weird formations placed in random spots that arent static like the black and white behind them. they are protruding and more colorful. even tho the black and white bricks make up 80% of the art, its those colorful formations that are the most popping. hope always exists in the worst of times

tbh now that im older, i like abstract art a lot more than like detailed paintings. idk not to say detailed paintings are not good or anything but abstract art is a lot more fun to analyze for me. and create my own interpretation

my birthday gifts

forgor to post my bday gifts from yesterday so here it is!!!

bracelet my goated friend made

mario checkers, luigi socks, and scooby doo socks 💀

new ipad YAYYY

and finally...

REIGEN PLUSH!!!!

(that my other friend got for me)

bought him everywhere bruh!!! i love him sm. hes so ugly bro. anyways today was actually so peak. this was truly one of the top 3 birthdays ive ever had. i love you guys. i love my friends and family and going on trips and listening to ymo and ryuichi sakamoto!

extra...

why is the lighting here so beautiful bro im crying

11/13/25

happy birthday to MEEE

feel really happy on my birthday for some reason. idk if happy is the right word... maybe content.. or comfortable is better

cuz i feel some nostalgia rn ive come a long way... oo so poetic

anyways todays birthday was awesome lowkey. i listened to ymo and ryuichi sakamoto all day. i got happy birthdays from a lot of ppl and some great gifts from my friends and teachers and family. and im gonna go out to eat and idk its just a happy day lowkey. and tomorrow im gonna be going on a field trip with my friend and she bought me a reigen plush bro im so happy. i love you guys. i love my friends and my family. im sorry for all the dumb vent posts i made abt you guys. i take it all back

song otd 11/13/25

anyways since its my birthday im gonna force all u guys to listen to ryuichi sakamoto. bruuu it was so hard to choose a song since theres so many good ones but im gonna go with this one. it just feels so right... nostalgic and warm and some tingling hope in there as well. i feel so hopeful for the future. i cant wait to see how much better life gets. thank you ryuichi sakamoto for existing and opening my eyes to see how beautiful this world is and the future as well. feel like crying, not from sadness but from joy. 

daily thoughts 11/12/25

bro ts turning red video 🥀

2025 and grown ass men still dont understand that the panda metaphor is not a metaphor for periods and instead is a metaphor for adolescene in general and growing up 💔💔💔

grown ass white men so stupid bro 🥀🥀🥀cant think abt anything that doesnt cater to them 🥀🥀🥀ive literally never seen a single man have a good take on this movie 😭

tbh this got me thinking abt turning red again and its a lot more relatable to me now than before. i used to be cringy af like that. and also i still hide my interests cuz im scared of my parents.

yall check out my trash ass song

my trash ass song

made this in like 3 minutes but hey atleast it doesnt sound like complete garbage. walmart kraftwerk ass beat 🔥🔥🔥🔥 ts actually so ass bruh 💀💀 i think ppl said practicing more gets u better at making music... i hope thats true... cuz this is actually the worst thing ive ever heard.

speaking of music

the more music that i listen to the more im discovering how like idk the word... texture?? is the most important aspect in music for me. if a song has good texture in it then i instantly love it. i love good rhythms especially and unique sounds or everyday noises utilized in music. i lowkey love music

also its my birthday tomorrow and im gonna have a blast by listening to ymo's entire discography and ryuichi's discog also. cant believe ts my life man! so joyous!

song otd 11/10/25

Today's song of the day is Rain by Ryuichi Sakamoto! god this absolute sweeping joyful composition. it paints such a vivid picture in ur mind. of running outside in the rain and feeling so free despite the rain drenching all ur clothes. this song is so full of hope and freedom it makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time. ryuichi sakamoto's music is just so full of hope. all of them. a reminder that the world has so much beauty to explore. i miss ryuichi sakamoto so bad. 

yknow everytime i feel sad i just listen to some sakamoto music and it instantly snaps me back into the true reality. life is great. nature is beautiful. i have a few great friends. i get to listen to music. life truly is so hopeful and beautiful. and even when i might be alone, ill always have ryuichi sakamoto's music to listen to and thats truly all i need tbh. i think discovering ryuichi truly changed my life. like i no longer feel any despair or sadness most of the time. i feel so much hope for the future.

genuinely greatest artist of all time i do not care. 

ts literally what life feels like once u discover ryuichi sakamoto. life suddenly has colors and beautiful music

daily thoughts 11/9/25

anime becoming mainstream 🥀

oh my god bruh why does every mainstream anime fan think that anything that isnt a shounen is some weird perverted fetish shit bro. 

WHYY do they think that when anyone that tells them to watch anything that isnt one piece or jjk, they think were telling them to watch ecchi anime 😭😭like no bruh watch some gundam or something watch some older anime like rov. yknow what it doesnt even have to be old bruh like houseki no kuni just watch something that isnt shounen im begging you 

i feel like ppl that like mainstream anime have no idea what they even like. like i know exactly what i like and i know which anime i want to watch but these ppl just stick to the mainstream ones just bc they dont want to explore at all. 

2025 and ppl still think anime is either cool epic shounen or fetish show 💔💔0 progress made

genuinely dc if ppl like mainstream stuff but i wish they could just branch out more. like i cant believe there are ppl out there who are genuinely afraid of pirating and only watch stuff thats on netflix. bro i literally downloaded a file from the internet just to watch that one ryuichi sakamoto documentary

vriska

i love vriska's design sm. ill always love character designs where a mean character wears glasses and isnt a nerd. everytime i see a character with glasses theyre always either shy/nerd/or both let me see some mean characters with glasses on. 

i just love vriska in general im ngl even tho shes horrible to tavros just cuz shes bored. im glad i share my sign with ms vriska serket. #vriskadidnothingwrong

the hair flip 🥀🥀🥀
girl u are not allat 😭

homestuck truly is peak medias

bro homestuck gotta be the coolest thing ever bro just look at this thing

https://homestuck.com/004692

why does this comic have a whole ass earthbound-like game in it bro thats so awesome man omg. 

lowkey love being chronically online

bro im ngl reading homestuck made me feel better abt being chronically online for some reason. because homestuck is lowkey just a bunch of chronically online kids playing a game and trying to save themselves from their eventual doom

i love homestuck! i love being chronically online! 

bro lowkey im ngl i hate ppl who delete all of their social media to better themselves 💀💀💀 that sounds bad but hear me out. like idk bro they become so boring after that. they turn so normal. 

also i have a friend who got a boyfriend like a few months ago and im ngl i feel like they lost like half of their personality because of that. literally every instagram story is of just her bf. 

this made me realize getting a bf is lowkey kinda lame. bruh idfk what i was on a few months/years ago when i said i wanted to find a bf like hell nah 😭😭

daily thoughts 11/6/25

ryuichi sakamoto: coda

bro i watched ryuichi sakamoto: coda documentary on monday and it genuinely changed my life. ryuichi sakamoto i miss you so bad im gonna kms.

goddd i know i say this everytime but ryuichi truly is the biggest inspiration in my entire life. watching this documentary and literally anytime he speaks makes me want to cry. 

hes just such a great artist and human being in general. playing the piano for earthquake and tsunami survivors at evacuation sites, him talking about his favorite movies inspiring him, talking abt his own mortality and how much time he has left before cancer eats him away.

oh my god bruh. the part where he says i want to make music that i wont be embarrassed to leave behind before he dies made me want to kms. RYUICHI COME BACK WE NEED YOU 😭😭😭hes so self critical its insane. 

and his views of music and life inspire me so much. theres a part in the doc where he talks about the 9/11 attacks and how in the aftermath there was like no sounds. he talked about how he didnt realize there was no music at all. people were all mourning for a week. and ryuichi states music requires peace. and omgg idk why that was the line that hit me the most out of his documentary. ryuichi constantly talks about how important silence is and its making me learn too. silence is the opposite of music and both are dependent on each other. and this view also reflects on his views abt technology and nature. and idk its just fascinating to me his philosophy!

ryuichi sakamoto u taught me to appreciate silence, nature, other human beings, the world, idk what i would do without you. thank you so much for everything 💔💔im still learning in current time through ur work and ur impact on the world. everytime i listen to ryuichi's music, its like im getting a warm hug and feel like crying just from how beautiful this world can be. ryuichi always called himself a pessimist but i truly believe he was the opposite. he fought hard for human rights and the earth despite how bad everything was. ryuichi genuinely gives me so much hope to just keep going not just for myself but also keep going so that i can help others.

10/10 documentary bro idc i went straight to letterboxd and gave it 5 stars out of 5 and put it in my favorites

daily thoughts 11/3/25

why has roblox been so fun lately

bro ive been playing roblox nonstop esp since i have no work to do and why is it genuinely so fun recently. ive been playing so much. ive been playing vibe cafe, tds, tower of hell, showcase games, arsenal, just random games in general. why is it so fun

also i met two great people on vibe cafe why is roblox actually peak

genuine realest post of all time yall dont understand how much i struggle with this it makes me want to shoot myself bro it makes me feel so stupid

katnep idk

also i made a trollsona/fantroll

 city pop really is the retroslop of music lowkey

song otd 11/1/25

Today's song of the day is Why? by Mid-Air-Thief! oh my gem. finally found a good korean artist. listened to this album and this song is the best out of them all. oh my electronic masterpiece. i love synth noises. and that buildup from the beginning is so good. 

daily thoughts 11/1/25

growing up chronically online...

growing up chronically online really did a number on my brain. tbh it was expected ngl i had social anxiety since i was in preschool literally so ofc i grew up lonely and didnt have anyone.

i was always on the internet. i think i was on the internet since i was 6?? idk but the only thing that i did was watch random youtube videos. innocent ones like nyan cat and kirby animations

i remember the first time i touched a computer was also when i was 6 years old. my brother was playing roblox and it looked interesting to me so i wanted to play too. my brother made a roblox account for me and we started playing together.

it was so fun bro. everyday afterschool i would go onto roblox and play games. i also played a lot of flash games as well and they were all very valuable memories. bro i played so many games because of my brother. only real ones remember pixel gun 3d

but anyways playing roblox led me to being more present on the internet. and most of my time i spent on roblox and youtube. and then in 2015 i discovered undertale and got obsessed with it. i think mlp and undertale were like my very first fandoms besides kirby. and undertale fandom really taught me a lot of things about just fandom in general. and thats how i started to get into fandoms (kinda)

i feel like my chronically online story is always so different from others because i feel like i was the only kid who actually knew about basic internet safety. like literally every other chronically online kid i met is like yeah i was groomed at 13 years old. but that never happened to me. i knew every person on the internet could be a potential predator so i just observed fandom spaces from afar. I never interacted with anyone in a fandom ever, to this day. I just like to watch youtube videos and look at fanart. i did interact with some people online but i made sure that they were around my age. it was easy to tell from their typing styles

but anyways being on the internet since a young age really cranked up my social anxiety i wont lie. i was already social anxious before but i think being on the internet made me a bit worse. (idk i feel like i was born with social anxiety and the internet only made it worse like 20%) 

even with that tho, i still dont really like feel bad(??) ig that i was so chronically online i guess?? prob cuz im still pretty chronically online. like idk i didnt get groomed or anything so it wasnt that bad. tbh i think there are some benefits. like i already mentioned: knowing every single meme and reference and fandom so i know that when people irl talk abt fandoms its an easy conversation for me cuz i already know some stuff

speaking of chronically online i just remembered this student film that i watched a long time ago that i really hated. 

Angelic Kitty Miracle Chan!

i follow this artist and i remember watching it when they posted it. and even on my first viewing i had very mixed feelings abt it. like its just such a nothingburger man. some impressive visuals but thats literally it. genuinely what am i supposed to get out of watching this. 

i really hate stories where they deal with escapism but they only show the bad parts of escapism (not to say escapism cannot be bad) but like idk its just so tired man. its been done so many times before and most of the time it feels like an insult to people who are just lonely. 

escapism, in my opinion, can be good. my escapism was watching youtube videos and cartoons and anime and games. sure it was a way for me to cope with being lonely and alone. but if i hadnt gone on the internet, i never wouldve become an artist, i never wouldve touched digital art, i never wouldve discovered my love for animation, i never wouldve learned so many great themes from watching anime and cartoons. theres good parts of escapism too. i think a story that handles escapism well is deltarune which basically shows what i just said through its characters. 

i dont like this film. you can like anime and also be a normal person like everyone else. its just an interest like any other interest.

strawpage

celebrated halloween yesterday by making a strawpage thats just a copy of my all abt me slides

https://otamotveggie.straw.page/