mary's empathy

daily thoughts 5/29/26

im making a comic....

stay tuned... bruh who am i kidding this shit is never getting finished 😂😂

writing is so hard bro i swear but idc anymore abt being good bruh i just wanna make this damn comic. 

making a comic is genuinely one of the hardest things to ever do for me bro. i swear i can never finish a comic. idk why its so hard man. even animation is a 100x easier than this. 

i think its cuz making comics involves writing and lots of planning meanwhile with animation i can just bullshit everything wihtout thinking and having fun 

and yes this comic is abt ME and my highschool life. doing a little retrospective becuase im graduating

My last day of highschool!!!!

last day of highschool forever !!!

today was my last day of highschool bro omg. i feel like it went by so quickly. but thats prob cuz freshman-junior year i was barely conscious. i cant believe it

today was extremely good day tho. i feel like i finally got closure for something in my life. 

today i literally talked so much to the point that it tired me. i talked to atleast 1 person in each class. and i actually lowkey got a lot of signatures in my yearbook (i couldve gotten more but i didnt meet everyone today)

i got 2 gifts and said goodbye to my people. i wish my other years of highschool were better 😭 but im glad that i atleast got a happy ending. yeah im pretty content. 

senior year was truly the best year actually it was decent. i wish i couldve said goodbye to my counselor but i lowkey forgot 💀 but im pretty sure shes gonna be at graduation

final official ranking: senior > freshman > sophomore > junior

20260527

im tong pooing out

garbage piles + extra art

kinda wanted to redesign mary and also shape language yay
not a redesign tbh just outfit changes throughout the seasons

i watched good burger 1997

btw speaking of movies bro i genuinely have the worst attention span ever when it comes to everything except for movies. idk why but it is genuinely harder for me to sit through a 24 minute episode of an anime or something than like a 2hr movie. i lock in so hard when it comes to movies idk why. i can watch like a 2 hr movie to the end with one bathroom break in between and without ever checking my phone. but i cant sit through a show that only lasts 20 minutes each episode.

idk why but i feel like i cant analyze shows. like with movies or books i can analyze to an extent that my brain can comprehend. idk with books and movies, it feels like characters are actually created to be used as a tool in the story, while tv show characters feel like fictional characters that u are supposed to get attached to yknow. idk i just get a diff vibe from tv shows and movies.

song otd 5/26/26

today's song of the day is tale of an abandoned mother from that movie i keep mentioning. oh my goud its so good. this movie truly has one of the greatest soundtracks of all time. that part at 2:43 oh my goud its so its so its so its so... the chanting. the screaming. it feels so emotional. such a haunting song. so aggressive and painful almost. prob my fav on the soundtrack. that soundtrack cannot be that good bro 😂😂

song otd 5/25/26

today song oh tee dee is freedom by tokyo kid brothers. i keep listening to throw away ur books rally in the streets soundtrack. its so good bro. i love this song. i feel like i have an affinity for songs that sound like theyre from a teen drama abt rebellious kids. i love the screaming and the yelling and that organ solo at the end really sounds like a teen drama. and at 1:10 it almost sounds like a ritual. its so peak... love and freedom...

daily thoughts 5/24/26

just rambling abt random stuff

bro yknow those kids in class who watch shows/movies instead of doing their work. but theyre actually not even watching it. 

there was a girl in my gov class who i had sat next to and she never did her work, always used chatgpt even when the teacher gave out the answers, and watched some show, but didnt actually watch it cuz she was on her phone all the time. 💀💀

i dont get ppl who put on a show but dont even watch it. bruh i need to be 100% focused on whatever im watching all the time. and i hate to eat while watching something. its so distracting. 

why dont americans use umbrellas

bro i swear every single time it rained during a school day, no kid would ever use an umbrella. i mean some would, but a majority of them didnt and i dont know why. they would rather get soaked than use an umbrella i dont get it.

is it because americans are so used to not walking and driving instead that they just dont have an umbrella at all. or do american teens just dgaf...

watched throw away your books, rally in the streets

ok i genuinely dont know how to feel at all abt this film. extremely indifferent hmm. maybe more complicated than indifferent. 

throw away your books, rally in the streets. to me, (or what i got from it anyway) is really just an exploration of japan in the 1960s-early 1970s. yknow. we got the youth rebellion, we got the angry leftists anarchists, people having sex literally anywhere and everywhere every second of the film lol, prostitutes, punk music, critique on american/western sphere of influence, etc etc. a view into 1960s-70s japan like i said

its also abt art and breaking the normal conventions of film. reality and art weaving together. 

this film is not normal. it doesnt have a standard narrative structure like a normal movie does. the cinematography is very absurd and unconventional. its full of monochrome vignettes and character interviews which plays into the entire film's theme of rebellion.

cool aesthetics

but also. the film includes a 3-4 minute long gang rape scene which genuinely was disgusting. i know the entire film is abt rebellion (against conventional cinema and social norms) but sometimes u just gotta handle things with more respect man. idk. i know its meant to be provocative but it really did not need to be 3 minutes long. maybe this film is too rebellious for me idk. i felt genuinely distressed after this scene. i didnt know how to feel abt the movie anymore.

so that kinda turned me off the film. it was really not needed. i dont really like this film (as in enjoyment) but as a piece of art, i do appreciate it. its very complicated. but also the film has so much to take in. maybe i just feel overwhelmed rn. a rewatch would probably be needed to fully understand it.

5/10 but not because i hate it. one half of me loves it but the other half is disgusted

also this movie has an incredible soundtrack. maybe one of my favorite soundtracks of all time tbh. i love this one especially. ive been listening to it so much. especially around the 5:02 mark. and then towards the end at around 5:40 when everyone sings in unison. oh its so peak. i love aggressive songs like this so much. proto-punk realness. i miss when i used to listen to music like this. 

also next shuji terayama film im going to watch is the boxer. i know shuji terayama is the biggest anj fan. also remember how i mentioned shuji terayama was the one who read rikiishi's eulogy at his funeral this the same guy.

also there was a scene in throw away your books where i cant tell if its an anj reference or not. they were talking abt how when a movie ends, nothing remains except for a white screen. #noticing. is this an anj reference. this came out in 1971 and anj didnt end till 1973. when did joe give his famous white ashes speech.    theres also some shots of an empty boxing ring and i cant help but think its an anj reference. i cant believe anj inventing boxing guys

legend of the stardust brosss

ok i actually watched legend of the stardust brothers im not a larper anymore

hell yeah

going in. i knew this movie wasnt meant to be taken seriously and just a good and fun time. its so weird and quirky and yeah. there is so much weird goofy stuff in it i love it. it does critique the music/idol industry a bit which was fine and cool. but the ending of this movie was so weird. like it just becomes kinda dark out of nowhere and the tonal inconsistency was a bit jarring. but other than that it was a goofy ahh film. 7/10

daily thoughts 5/22/26

why cant i find any pants that suit me

bro i swear everytime i wear long pants i feel like killing myself. i never found a pair of jeans that i actually like. jorts and shorts are fine but long pants i can never find a good one. i swear. maybe its cuz all my fashion inspo contains skirts and shorts instead of long pants so i dont feel satisfied with it

my art final

https://studio.code.org/projects/weblab2/81f160ec-56c5-4226-ad6b-c4b9e030f6b1

we were supposed to make a google sites for a portfolio. but ofc i made mine with html/css cuz im quirky and unique like that. go check it out if u want

this song 😭😭

bro i swear i remember i was trying so hard to figure out the genre of this song when i was like 8 or something cuz i really liked it. im still trying to figure it out. but only the first part of the song, not when it transitions into a rock opera. from like 0:00-1:20

does anyone know. i know it has to be something funk but idk. what genre heavily uses bass and rhythm guitar. funk but it sounds like a specific type of funk. but idk what it is. soft funk????? it also kinda reminds me of disco but thats not it.

bro i swear im gonna go insane. i have so many specific music stuck in my head that i dont know how to decipher. 

also idk why this type of music makes me nostalgic. i feel like a lot of the games i played when i was a kid had this type of music in it as well. 

i found solid state survivor on this giant map of albums

devilman cringe

wuz looking thru my old art and i found this from 2025. i dont think i ever posted it here. i really like the artstyle here i should return to this artstyle someday

also found this absolute gem. freaking mlp ymo. u cant make this up. i really like the design choices i made here tho. except for hosono (red) cuz i didnt know what to do for him.

the swirl in yukihiro's (green) hair resembling a musical note why was i lowkey a genius. and i really like ryuichi's cutie mark

daily thoughts 5/18/26

started playing tsukihime

im playing peak... really like it so far... i like the themes that its setting up. of there being truly no good or bad people in this world just ppl making good and bad choices 😭😭also im a sucker for simple character designs. and i love all the designs in this game rn. and the artstyle too. 

i love kohaku!!! 😭😭 i love maid girls!!

sad :(

boy how are u sad again. been sad today... SIGH.... i need to delete instagram i swear. can these ppl stop having better lives than me. 

been thinking lately how if i disappeared completely than nobody would care except for like my parents. 

my loneliness being enhanced by graduation bro. everyone is talking abt how much theyre going to miss each other and i aint got nobody. i feel like my life has no meaning bro i swear everything moves so quickly and theres no time for closure and nobody even gaf that i exist. even my only senior friend whos introverted and shy like me got ppl saying that they will miss her

been trying to ease my mind by playing tsukihime and the piano. yess i love escapism and hate the real world. 

btw speaking of closure does anyone else feel like they can never get closure for anything. i always feel so hopeless and disappointed when i have to move on to something else. 

anj

anj makes me sick to my stomach bro. i always talk abt chapter 51 but can we also talk abt this scene that i lowkey stole from tumblr:

the scene where the kids tell joe to hit them but instead joe lightly taps them all on the head. and then joe cries because he loves these stupid little goobers, who wants to be tough like him and look up to him, so much. oh my god bro. they all care abt each other so much im gonna be sick. SICK.

and dont have the screenshot but that one scene where joe comes back from hawaii and gets everyone gifts and he just forgets abt being a boxer for a moment and just laughs and smiles with everyone. yeah why dont u just kill me. 

bro joe is actually such a caring person. there aint no way theres actual people out there that hate him. 

daily thoughts 5/17/26

watched the perks of being a wallflower

shit from a butt movie. son. 😭😭

i overuse the word millennial a lot but this movie was so millennial core

this movie is abt a lonely traumatized freshman who gets adopted into this friend group by 2 seniors and his highschool chronicles revolving around this insane group.

this movie was an absolute chore to get through. it got better at the end when stuff started to reveal itself. but that was like the last 30 minutes of a 1 hr and 40 minute movie bro. the beginning was so boring holyy

every character basically talks the same and the dialogue was so corny bro (this too improves near the end but still) every piece of dialogue is so quirked up.. like "welcome to the island of misfits toys" 💀💀

and the relationships between the characters feel so fake and the characters themselves were so annoying. well ok i know thats the point because theyre all mentally ill traumatized maladjusted teenagers but u can still make them feel like real friends and have chemistry. bro i felt absolutely nothing for any of these characters. 

and the plot twist at the end i saw that coming. just really cliched and uninteresting movie bro i have nothing to say abt it. the drama wasnt that good. also the characters do some really bad things but none of it is ever acknowledged. also maybe im too woke for this but why is a senior dating a freshman seen in a good light. esp when the freshman was sexually abused as a child

um very tumblr movie 3-4(??)/10 atleast there were some touching scenes idk.  

i see people online defending this movie to the grave bro its not that good. i feel like ppl are blinded by nostalgia cuz this movie is considered a 2010s teen movie classic. it sucked ass

watched 2 bad movies in a row

elite ball knowledge

reference to a movie that i have never watched cuz im the biggest larper in the world. but my ocs. 

im obsessed with the poses that theyre doing
#me and who

daily thoughts 5/14/26

end of highschool

woww it really truly is nearing the end. idk how to feel abt it. blagh. genuinely dont know what to say abt it. literally 0 feelings. were basically doing nothing in class now. just doing some bullshit. btw does anyone know what gift to get teachers

watched kikis delivery service

were watching movies now till the end of the year for my oceanography class now. bro kikis delivery service was so mid. bro this movie was the most nothingburger thing ever 💀aint no way ppl were saying this movie made them cry.

this movie.. genuinely pissed me off im ngl. literally 2 hours of just kiki doing nothing

and the theme of the movie is basically abt burnout and stuff and not getting ur creative flow in and thats okay. just relax and take a break in nature.  but theres only like one scene that contributes to this theme.  and the rest of the movie has like 0 to do with this. 

also idk if its cuz we watched the eng dub version but the dialogue was so awkward and bad. like why was kiki straight up talking to the audience. none of it was interesting either

this was like if they made "millenial cozy game" into a movie. like this movie feels like it was made for millenials yall know what i mean

it was so boring bro i swear i dont even remember any of the characters names except kiki and jiji (the cat) why was this a 2 hr film 

2/10 (just cuz the art was good)

anj shrine site

https://otamotsauce.neocities.org/tomorrowsjoe

obv not done but go check it out. bruh im ngl i almost cried making this cuz i started thinking abt joe too hard. and i thought abt chapter 51 again and felt like killing myself

also i was searching for something anj related and i saw this

9.9/10 is crazy 😭😭

also i just remembered they held a funeral for rikiishi toru irl and the eulogy was read by SHUJI TERAYAMA. bro omg. ive been gaining more knowledge abt japanese pop culture lately and learned that shuji terayama was like a big guy. he was a poet and artist and filmmaker. and his films "throw away your books, rally in the streets" and "the boxer" (which is very obv inspired by anj) are both in my watchlist. for a very long time too. but i didnt know he was an anj fan omg goat. i still havent watched either but i will get to it someday.

also i just found out he wrote the lyrics for one of the openings for the anj anime. ashita no joe is truly the series of all time.

also thinking abt anj again.. theres been a lot of really good fanart on tumblr lately.

from: @mikayare     LOOK AT HIM

new song 5/13/26

brah this sounds like something from like kirby or like inside a pokemon center yknow what i mean. bro all my songs follow the same structure im crine but its not my fault i swear beepbox can only be used for simple melodies that last like 30 seconds long

also heres another one that i made a few months ago but didnt post cuz i didnt like it but ill post it now anyway cuz why not. tbh its not that bad. i was trying to make like a "water" themed song 💀i think. but not like tropical water. like scary water

daily thoughts 5/8/26

excited for college

mostly cuz i get to do stuff on my own lol. let me dress like a 70s showa idol girl 

@creamy.yukiko i love you

im glad im going to an art school cuz ppl be dressing however they want. 

bruhh i wish i could just skip to summer break and college already plss ive been having the worst anxiety attacks these past few days because of something thats bothering me. pls just let me live out my dream in nyc

youngest child canon event

bro i swear a youngest child canon event is when ur parents fight and then ur mom takes u in the car and then drives off to somewhere. this happened to me one time and it was actually kinda fire im ngl. cuz it happened at night like at 11pm. me and my mom just left the house unannounced to everyone. we drove for like 2 hrs to go to my grandmas house. it was lowkey awesome

daily thoughts 5/6/26

ap lit exam

ok it was actually not that bad. i think i got atleast a 3. bro on the 2nd essay i had to write i was writing so much i think i cooked that one. the other two tho 💀 the poem one i most definitely failed. and the q3 free write idk man. 

daily thoughts 5/3/26

romance (?)

bruh anyone else just lowkey not attracted to anyone anymore. my last crush was like freshman year i think but that lasted like a week. and its happened so long ago i dont even consider the fact that i have real feelings anymore. 

#noticing. lately its been feeling so devoid right now. i feel so devoid right now of everything. especially with graduation coming soon and the fact that i barely have anything to reflect on. made a few friends ig but it was nothing special. and i was always like performing in every friendship that i have. cuz everytime i come out of a convo with a friend i always feel so empty. i dont like talking to my friends.

been thinking lately i genuinely have no sense of self. i thought abt how i feel like im always masking when talking to someone but then i realized i have no idea what im even masking. do u guys get it. like i suddenly realized idk who i am. 

like i dont even know bro. i dont know. my shyness is so weird. cuz like idk if thats actually me or if its just hindering my actual personality do u guys get it. like i always hated being told that im shy so i tried to push that label away. but now that i think abt it i am shy i guess. so is it like. is me being socially anxious a part of me or is it another mask of myself. 

like how are u even supposed to define yourself if not by understanding how people perceive you. 

also just realized whenever i monologue in my head i never picture myself as how i really look.

ok existential crisis over. back to the og topic. 

i was gonna talk abt how i want a relationship but also not cuz like idk. feel like i enjoy the idea of a relationship but im inexperienced so idk how its actually gonna be like so im scared. also im not really attracted to people anymore (idk its been so long).

maybe if i actually talked to someone for a long time then i would become attracted to them. but i also dont feel like doing that. cuz like idk i dont really care at the same time yknow what i mean 😭like yes i would like a relationship! but that takes a long time so idrc abt that. im not gonna go out of my way to actually put in effort yknow. 

but also i would love a relationship cuz i dont believe all relationships are the same. i love friendship but i would also like to explore romance cuz i think those are two different things. 

i feel like im missing out on so much of life's experiences. truth nuk.e..

still havent found my place in the world. but when i do im gonna listen to this must be the place by the talking heads and cry abt it

watched funeral parade of roses today. it was so peak. everyone needs to watch. i love this sequence so much yeah just throw in some comic speech bubbles

tbh i feel like i didnt really get it. id probably have to rewatch it a couple times to get it 😭def something abt identity and gender expression and performance and mirrors and political tensions in japan but i cant really come to a conclusion. also incredible that theres a movie from 1960s japan that doesnt portray trans people as a joke and instead as actual people. 

daily thoughts 5/1/26

ap lit

boi im actually so cooked for ap lit i swear. im gonna fumble the q3 essay so bad bro. 

i only have like 3 books that i actually remember stuff from thats dorian gray, atonement, and freaking ashita no joe bro it aint even a book. 

speaking of anj. bro i swear i havent felt so moved by any piece of literature ever except for anj. no longer human comes close but that my only reason for liking that book was because i never related so hard to a book in my life. but anj is something that i both relate to and actually felt inspired to be something better than what i am. 

shit made me cry and actually want to change myself. i think anj should be counted as classic literature. tbh like its very long and theres so much to analyze 

anj was still is forever will be so peak. no joke ive never connected with a story so hard before even tho me and joe share absolutely 0 similarities. his passion for boxing was so incredible. so profound. even tho its unhealthy for him. 

i swear if i get a prompt that actually fits anj its gonna be the easiest thing ever to write. i got the whole pure white ash speech memorized.