song otd 1/31/26

also really like the anime ver as well i love you yuukei quartet my doomed friend group

is genuinely crazy how only one person of ur friend group survived 💀

IM GONNA KILL MYSELF. today's song of the day is yuukei yesterday from kagepro. yeah whatever bro. theyre so cute bro. the way they were both aware of their feelings of being in love but they were in this weird situationship thing. 

im trying to remember things from all kagepro media and if i remember correctly, haruka was genuinely in love with takane but he didnt/couldnt tell her because he was chronically ill and was gonna die anyway so whats the point also he was shy 💔💔💔 god i need to re-read the kagepro manga soon.

and takane bro omg. shes kinda oblivious i think. she does love him but like doesnt realize it sometimes. also she genuinely thinks nobody likes her 💔💔

and then at the end of the song bro the sunset the sunset bro. 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀oh my god bruh. 💔 takane blaming herself for not being more aware of haruka's illness and his pain and regrets not telling him that she loved him too. bro💔 love story of the century. cant believe my kagepro era is coming back. its been like almost 10 years

mekakucity actors (episode 6)

yo im going full brainrot mode with kagepro rn and omg this episode fucks me up. this and first half of ep 7 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔why dont i just kill myself

harutaka 5ever ❤️

bro i lowkey forgor how much i loved haruka and takane from kagepro. like omg top 3 hetgem ships of all time. i remember even back then these 2 used to be my favorite parts of kagepro. something abt a disabled girl whos bad at math has no friends and plays games all day and a disabled autistic guy who is full of love and loves food. she was a gamer, he was an artist. greatest of all time. too bad both of them end in tragedy 💔

bro i used to be so crazy over this ship i even read doujinshi of them and also i read parts of the kagepro manga but only the parts with harutaka in it 💀 it was because i couldnt find any translations of the full manga volumes anywhere so i just thought ill read the parts with harutaka in it

oh my god bruh i remember reading this when i was in 4th grade or something 💀

kagepro is one of those rare pieces of media where the het ships outclasses the yaoi or yuri ships bro harutaka is so hetgem. and they actually are better as a couple instead of just staying as friends. im still shipping it to this day nearly 10 years later. the way they end is so tragic and they have such good chemistry. is actually insane. can u guys tell i ripped off mary and angelo off of these 2.

i could talk abt these 2 for hours bro they actually have such an interesting dynamic that isnt just typical tsundere and aloof guy wowww. harutaka are my GOATS. ship so good it got me giggling and kicking my feet

take this small doodle as my token of appreciation thank you harutaka for existing

mekakucity actors (episode 4)

god the powerlines and utility poles are such a staple of kagepro. so much symbolism in one episode dawg. sorry for so many screencaps but this was a beautiful episode. also kagepro is so good at depicting summer. like i feel hot just looking at these pictures. and also very good at depicting like liminality/dreamscapes because i genuinely had a dream that looked exactly like this

mekakucity actors (episode 1-2)

the kagepro anime was genuinely gorgeous bro i never understood ppl who said it looked ugly. like not at all bro. also that last screencap fascinates me because i thought the ocean sparkles thing was only capable on cel animation

who up listening to the adventures of chatran movie soundtrack

just found out ryuichi sakamoto did the soundtrack for this film abt cats or something and it sounds gorgeous as usual. i especially love the track asamoya no nori at 4:33 and watasuge no hara at 17:09 ESPECIALLY watasuge no hara that intro is beautiful. and koneko monogatari is such a cute song with vocals done by kyonkyon i think

man if ryuichi ever did a soundtrack for like a ghibli film or something i know that wouldve went so hard

finally watched look back

god ive been wanting to watch this movie for so long i remember back when it first came out and i was waiting for it to come out on streaming but no streaming service had it yet cuz it was so early. so i lowkey forgot abt it

but then i watched it today and it was beautiful bro. really a love letter to art and artists all around. i wanna talk abt the animation first. it was so loose and not over-polished like a lot of anime are today and i appreciate it for that. and i could feel the weight and the movement of the characters like they were actually real. it genuinely mesmerized me. i love it when animators put so much attention into the weight.

ok anyways onto the actual story. it really is just soo. it captures the life of an artist so well. the two main characters are really every artist ever. fujino is kinda egotistical and gets jealous easily when she encounters kyomoto who can draw better than her. (literally me!) and kyomoto is a socially anxious shut in who cant go to school because her anxiety is that bad so she just stays in and draws all day (literally me as well)

and i love how their relationship builds from fujino being jealous at kyomoto so she draws every single day to get better and be better than her. and then they meet and kyomoto says that she admires fujino's manga. and then they become friends and draw manga together, go on walks together, run into the ocean, watch sunsets. its beautiful bro 

but then some spoilery thing happens and i literally cant talk abt the rest of the movie atp cuz its a big spoiler and a big shift in the movie but like as adults fujino and kyomoto drift away and fujino becomes a big mangaka and kyomoto decides to go to art school. and like fujino is constantly in her office drawing and it really shows how she doesnt go outside or do anything and forgets about kyomoto. and bro i literally cant say anything cuz spoilers 💀

but the movie's central question is why do you draw? when it is so miserable and tiring to do sometimes. ppl have different answers to this question. from the beginning fujino did art because she got praised by everyone and it was fun to do, then she kept drawing because of her jealously of kyomoto, but then her reasons changed again when her and kyomoto became friends. fujino did art because of her friendship with kyomoto and they drew together, and in the end, fujino kept doing art because of kyomoto.

the film really shows the rigorous bothersome process of creating art but also shows the beautiful moments of how art brings ppl together like fujino and kyomoto's friendship. and just how inspiring it feels to get even one person to appreciate ur art. 

anyways 10/10 film ngl it does everything it needed to perfectly. i wish i couldve talked more abt the film but i genuinely cant without giving spoilers 💀

also

i feel more attracted to east-asian films ngl. i relate way more to how they portray childhood and teenagehood. and the scenery feels reminiscent of my own childhood so like i feel more drawn to easian films. 

i havent watched a lot of films in general and i cant really speak on this but i feel like easian and american films portray teenagehood so differently like idk how to explain it. ig its because yknow like korea and japan have walkable cities and has actual stuff to do unlike america. like i remember going out with my friends just walking on the street and eating street food and going into convenience stores. and taking the bus to go to the mall. and i also remember taking walks to namsan tower or just strolling down the cities and looking at the lights. those were some good times. in america all u see is nothing.

daily thoughts 1/29/26

wanna go to korean bathhouse again

i literally havent been to one since i was like 10 or 11 or something. i wanna go again now i lowkey miss it. bro ppl were always exaggerating when they said the rubbing ur skin clean off with the green sponge thing hurt. that did not hurt at all. i miss having the smoothest skin ever after peeling off all my dead skin cells. 

i used to be embarrassed going to bathhouse cuz yknow u have to be naked around strangers but idgaf anymore. 

bro i remember when i went to the bathhouse the last time, there was only one other person besides my mom. and my mom went into the sauna and i went into the water and bro this old grandma kept trying to talk to me 💀and like i dont even remember what she said but she kept scooting closer to me in the water and i kept scooting back away like GIRL MOVE 😭😭her thigh like touched my thigh and i got weirded out and my mom finally came out of the sauna at the right time so i got out of the water and went to her. 

anyways i want to go back again it was lowkey a vibe just standing around naked with strangers and then chilling out in the communal area or whatever its called after finishing in the bathhouse and u get to eat those brown eggs 

i remember one time i went to this huge bathhouse/sauna and there was nobody there except for my family and it felt like living in a mansion bro there was a huge tv and like u could lay down on the floor and sleep in those caves it was actually so fire

homestuck is such a funny thing

https://homestuck.com/007395

i love it when they do fourth wall breaking shit like this

song otd 1/28/26

Today's song of the day is Tokimeki by Akiko Yano! been so obsessed with this song lately. omg bruh that bass. haruomi hosono going crazy on that bass. such a delicious delectable scrumptious groovy bassline. genuinely makes me wanna dance. i fear i fear one of the catchiest songs of all time

daily thoughts 1/28/26

january music 🥹

really great listened to a total of 150+ new songs. wow i love music

finally did that unrefundable 900 dollar fee to my chosen college 💔

i feel sick bro why is it so expensive. i feel anxious. what if i fail tho bruh my parents are gonna kill me. also does anyone know how to make money in college thats not a part time job. 

blender makes me sick

bro omg why is every blender tutorial so impossible to do. am i just stupid. pls bro omg bruh 😭💔cmon man pls i just wanna make my ocs in blender is that too much to ask for

random

bro i cant stand ppl who are like my taste in men is men who look like women and my taste in women is women who look like men. like okay!!! bro i get it !!!! and the man they say they like doesnt even look like a woman. like idk maybe im too woke. but like half the time ppl who say this are talking abt a male kpop idol. and like idk it feels racist cuz thats just a normal ass asian dude 😭like literally nothing abt them looks feminine

its fine if thats ur taste but i just cant stand ppl who think theyre so weird or quirky for behaving this way

well well well

daily thoughts 1/26/26

the teachers at my school lowkey care abt me

last week i skipped class and just spent the entire day sleeping in the counselor's office and also didnt go to school for a few days 

and when i came back my gov teacher and my architect teacher and my oceanography all asked me if i was ok... like wow.. ppl actually care abt me. not just my teachers but also my friends even if they dont say anything i know they care

why this lowkey make me feel loved idk. i dont remember if teachers ever asked me if i was feeling fine or maybe i just forgot in middle school when i was basically crying every single day

theyre all so kind... especially my architect teacher bro she treats me nicer than my other classmates now after my mental breakdown 💀

like ppl actually noticed my absent presence that feels fulfilling

i think i grew a lot from middle school cuz in mid school bruh i was suffering so bad but i couldnt say anything to anyone. but now like idc abt feeling ashamed. i actually express my emotions to ppl and they actually feel sympathy and not frustration because i actually communicate my problems.

song otd 1/26/26

Today's song of the day is For Sale? (Interlude) by Kendrick Lamar! kinda embarrassing for me to finally start getting into kendrick lamar in 2026 but better late than never.

this song is so wonderful. it was practically made for me. what a nice blend of electronic elements into a rap song. god i love electronic anything. cant wait to dive deeper into kendrick lamar discog

rlly random thing abt the beatles

i just got reminded because of this video i saw on twitter of girls in the 1960s during the height of beatlemania. and they got mocked for liking the beatles because they were (popular thing that women like during that time) 

and people (especially kpop fans) always bring up how fangirls were always hated with this evidence of beatlemania. and after time men started to like the beatles and now theyre considered legends. and kpop fans always be bringing ts shit up to prove how men hate things that women like and only like the thing years after they mocked women for it and misogyny and yada yada yknow yeah. its true that it is misogyny. but thats not what happened with the beatles

like men started liking the beatles because they actually went through a drastic change in the middle of their career. their music went from 1960s sugary teen pop music to actually more complex music. and even the members themselves changed a lot. they discarded those dumbass moptops and started growing their hair out and wearing psychedelic hippie-esque clothing. (also i saw ppl mention how the beatles were feminine because they grew their hair out 💀 are u srs bro. long hair on men back then meant rebellion not femininity)

and its not like the beatles actually liked their teenage girl fanbase 😭like they hated them so bad and i cant even blame them bro like these girls were actually literally pissing themselves at concerts (there is live footage of this) because of their excitement. it got so bad that the beatles just stopped touring all together. and when they stopped touring, it was also when their music became more experimental. after they stopped touring, they released their album sgt peppers lonely hearts club band which feels drastically different from stuff like a hard days night

so like idk why kpop fans keep bringing up beatlemania when theyre arguing about men's misogyny. like girl thats not what happened. the beatles were not taken seriously at first because they made the most generic standard pop music and got popular only cuz of their image

and lets be fr rn those teenage girls in the 1960s did not like the beatles for their music guys its ok i promise we can be real rn. their image and their music was crafted to appeal to them in the early era. like please please me and she loves you are not groundbreaking songs lets be fr. those girls loved those 4 bugs because they had a clean image of these 4 nice young boys in suits and matching hairstyles (brian epstein was lowkey a genius for promoting them this way) 

also this whole thing just makes no sense to me also because the beatles had a lot of male fans too. i think they were hated not just cuz of misogyny (misogyny is a big factor tho) but also because yknow popular thing bad

and also idk why kpop fans always feel the need to justify themselves for liking kpop like guys just ignore these men idk why theyre so obsessed on proving that theyre right to these lame ass men. also its ok to just like kpop because u like the members and not the music. i lowkey did that too but for jpop. and can bts fans pls stop saying that their band is unique. they are not bro.

omg bruh this post is so long. i memorized so much beatles lore and 1960s pop culture history from when i was 13 years old im crying. i still know everything. yknow writing this post made me want to listen to the beatles again.

my first blender model ever

my first finished blender model what we think chat 

blender is fun lowkey. it reminds me of when i used to build stupid random things in roblox

song otd 1/25/26

today's song of the day is 24/7 by agusfortnite2008. bro this album is so slop oh my god. i liked the first three songs but after that its the same repetitive loud songs one after another. it genuinely gets more hilarious the more u progress through the album. its like the definition of slop. but i still like listening to some of the songs on it like this one. it scratches ur brain but if u keep listening to it ur brain would probably explode

favorite video ever

i miss my showa idol phase 💔

who remembers my crazy showa idol phase of spring 2024. that was lowkey peak im ngl. i felt like a teenager in the 80s. i miss it ngl. i miss you shonentai, akina nakamori, yukiko okada, seiko matsuda, hikaru genji, momoe yamaguchi, etc etc

also its funny the way i got into showa idols was through 1960/70s idols like the first showa idol that i liked was hiromi go bru oh my god bruh and then i really got into four leaves for some reason miss them.

speaking of showa idols they really crafted my sense of fashion and hairstyle and just aesthetics in general

like i remember when i wanted to have ko-chan from four leaves hairstyle: 

i still kinda want it ngl but idk how ur supposed to obtain this hairstyle. he was lowkey ahead of his time for having this pseudo wolf cut in the 1970s

and also fashion showa idol fashion was so goated like i still wanna dress like this: 

also omg that disney mirror that literally every idol carried around

also i think its funny how photos of showa idols are always floating around in pinterest but omg.... these ppl dont know.... those are showa idols... smh my head they dont know... they dont know.. but i do

song otd 1/23/26

Today's song of the day is Endless... by Kyonkyon! bro this album is actually so fire bruh i need to tap into kyonkyon's discog more. i was always interested in listening to more of her albums because they all feel kinda different from standard idol albums. like this album was made as an album instead of hit singles mashed together in a long series. also contains some unique un-idol like melodies fused with jazz and funk as suggested by the title "afropia" if that was what she was going for. 

i always love idol songs that lean more towards a city pop feel like akina nakamori's eki and momoko kikuchi's songs (who i cant remember the songs of) 

endless is very etheral sounding. nice reverb and a hazy melody. very dreamlike and quiet not like other idol songs that are very poppy and loud (not to say i hate those i love them but i appreciate diversity)

lowkey miss my showa idol era urghhh akina nakamori, yukiko okada, shonentai, hikaru genji dont worry guys ill come back someday

also lowkey becoming a kyonkyon fan 

daily thoughts 1/22/26

finally downloaded blender

finally downloaded blender bruh i put it off for so long because i thought it was gonna lag my computer so bad and well it kinda did but i wanted to learn how to 3d model so 

i hate self-learning but i need to learn it to survive in the animation industry 💔

i hate starting new things but i wanna make 3d model blugh

daily thoughts 1/21/26

acting out of character

i cant find that one tiktok/insta reel thats like when ur favorite teacher catches u out of character with ur friends 🥀🥀 thats basically abt how u are known as shy and quiet to ur teacher but with ur friends ur loud af

thats me lowkey bruh my favorite teacher is my architect drawing teacher and she probably thinks im quiet and shy but bro me and my friend in that class are probably the loudest and most talkative kids in there bro 💀 never a serious day in architect drawing 

like i talk so much to my friend and loudly during that class but whenever my teacher comes over my voice shrinks

man idk like this is such a problem for me this happens to me everytime im around an older adult. and especially my parents bro whenever im outside with my parents i act like a shy quiet kid who doesnt know anything because thats how my parents perceived me my entire life 💀 and they think im immature because of that even tho thats not how i act when im not with them 💀 i feel like that image of the bird in a cage that can 100% just fly out

like why am i playing a character bro. im actually loud af whenever im around my friends. and also at home.

image unrelated i love catty and bratty from undertale
idk why but i used to be obsessed with them when i was a kid
like i wasnt even obsessed with the main characters i just liked 
catty and bratty

anyone else just lazy af

like i dont even have depression or adhd or anything at all im just a lazy ass bum bro i cant get myself to study or do any school work even tho im falling behind. i just lowkey dgaf bruh i dont even use chatgpt so im not even turning anything in. bruh i cant even do things that i actually wanna do like drawing and listening to music 💀

back from nyc

im back from nyc guys. i cant believe i have a math quiz tomorrow thats so fukced up 

anyways wow i feel so refreshed whenever im not in my hometown there is literally nothing to do here. 

bruh i actually got something to look forward to in the future im going to live in nyc 🥹

i was reluctant at first of going to college here cuz it was expensive but all my other choices were basically the same price so whatever. sva was actually on the cheaper end of the schools i got admitted to. zohran mamdani pls give money to college students and my life is yours

also i heard my school is very competitive but like idk abt that. i did like a tour around the school. and the tour guides gave me their social media info and stuff and i checked their art acc and i dont mean to be rude but i think i can draw at their lvl. theyre a senior at this school too. plus i am able to work at a minimum of 10 hrs a day everyday except for weekends on my schoolwork. 

i was worried abt money but they offer a lot of jobs here so idk im not worrying too much now. also the tour guides seemed to be fine too so ig they survived which means i can survive too. and they gave me a lot of advice abt everything like money and stuff and dorms and workload

also there was a life-sized wd gaster from undertale cardboard cutout at the school building but i forgot to take a picture of it 💔FUCKK

anyways at ny i went to museum and yaya and my parents got me this fat chud snoopy plush which i adore

also there was a guy at my hotel that looked exactly like charlie kirk

also also bruh chelsea pier might be one of my favorite places ever idk why but it reminds me of seoul

daily thoughts 1/20/26

made up my mind

bru i went to college tour of sva today and it was genuinely so good oh my god bruh this just brighened up my mood. i cant believe i get to wake up everyday to a view of the city instead of a depressing grey sky filled with nothing wtf man

i genuinely forgot how good it feels to live in a walkable city. bruh im literally drooling over the fact that i get to spend my future in a huge city with hundreds of shops and places to explore, going to record shops with my friends... going to annual nyc events with my friends... ride the bus and romanticize abt life while listening to music... admire the architecture... walk through chelsea pier and central park... oh my god bruh...

they said this school is competitive but i think i can handle it. i worked like 10 hrs everyday (no joke literally) during summer on my portfolio i can do anything bruh

12

12 by ryuichi sakamoto is starting to become one of my favorite albums. bro i just remembered ryuichi sakamoto is no longer on this earth with us and started thinking abt killing myself

its a "nothing" album and i think that is great. 12 is more of like a soundscape journal than an album and i truly love that for it. if i remember correctly ryuichi, during his last years, said that he no longer wished to make anything. and i think this album is a perfect encapsulation of that. just freeing urself from the expectations of people who always look up to you for your art and creations. especially since ryuichi was always stressed abt what to make next and constantly experimenting different genres to try to decipher the meaning of music which i think just left him feeling dissatisfied with everything that he created

12 is about peace and relishing the beautiful sounds of earth and its nature. u can literally hear him breathing in this album and sounds of chimes and dirt and grass and wind its so beautiful. its him journaling his last days through music. there arent any melodies except for a few piano pieces. just breathing and listening. similar to async, it is nowhere close to my own musical taste but its sincerity and emotion has won me over. 

ryuichi sakamoto i miss you so bad. 

lowkey realized i can draw whatever i want

deltarune queen yellow magic orchestra usa edition yes 

this is like the first good drawing ive done in months

i love the fact that ever since roblox got rid of chat, the roleplay games have been basically dead 

was playing homestuck rp and basically everyone was just standing around and looking at each other not saying anything

just remembered one of my favorite videos of all time

i remember when this video used to play in my head all the time and i know all the lyrics too i dont even play pikmin

obsessed with this video

by @saulathan on twitter

its so endearing 🥹 dirk and roxy homestuck

song otd 1/17/26

Today's song of the day is riot in Lagos by Ryuichi Sakamoto! oh nahh he cooked with this 🔥🔥🔥genuinely one of his best songs what a unique set of sounds. also happy birthday ryuichi sakamoto (well technically yesterday since japan time) u wouldve been 74 today 💔we still talk abt you

also pls listen to this live its amazing listening to this in 1980 mustve been mindblowing. its genuinely so good bro omg riot in lagos a top 3 ryuichi song of all time

daily thoughts 1/16/26

somebody flagged my blog???

who tf did this bro what did my page useful links ever contain except useful stuff. bro either my school reported my blog or some ai did it. 

lowkey been having the worst 2 weeks of my life

bro i cried again at school yesterday and i slept for like 13 hrs 💀 im behind on so many assignments bro its not even funny i keep skipping class because i keep crying somebody save me bru omg. 

also ive been thinking abt senior year and its just so bad. yes its my best year i guess but by best its like tolerable at best

i always feel guilty in english class

the stories we read in english class always got some protagonist thats like selfish and deals with loneliness but their loneliness is self inflicted and im like wow thats just like me and then a class discussion happens and everyones like this character is a bad person and im like hmm maybe im a bad person

SAVE ME

anybody else addicted to comfort

ts post lowkey embarrassing so i might delete it later

im still thinking abt what happened last thursday when i cried at school bro omg. i cant stop thinking abt my architect drawing teacher she was so kind. it was like the first time in forever that i felt comforted and loved even

but now i wanna talk to her again and talk abt my emotions again with her 😭lowkey making me want to cry in class again just so i could talk to her💀 she was genuinely so calm and patient and understanding it made me feel.. seen..... 💀the first person ever whom i actually found helpful and understanding. even my therapist from 4 years ago i didnt really felt seen. i have so many things to say and the only person who i can tell these things is my teacher omg bruh i didnt get everything out of my system that day. i have so many things so so many things that i want to talk to someone abt everyday but i dont have anyone

oh my god bruh now im lowkey reverting back to my old self and acting all depressed in class just so ppl could comfort me like that again im so immature 💀

i genuinely cant be trusted around any older woman bro i get attached so easily especially when theyre kind to me

hhhhhh comfort is so addicting like yes i wanna be seen and understood but that only happens when i act all depressed. yes im an attention seek*r. bro idk why im such an attention seeker like i got a decent amount of attention when i was a kid i think. idk bro this was all middle school and covids fault. something fundamentally changed my brain chemistry during those years.

also i had to be taken to the school counselor after talking to my teacher for a bit and omg bro school counselors are genuinely the most useless people ever. mf didnt even talk to me and just left me alone to play with fidget toys. it was kinda fun tho i wanna go back again just to play with the toys. reminds me of my middle school days where i would skip classes just to go play with slime in the therapy room

the way im a grown ass 18 yo and still act like this is it over for me chat😅😅😂😂

daily thoughts 1/13/26

the piano

i really do love the piano. its the first time ive ever enjoyed doing something. like even with art i get tired of it pretty easily. i love art but its a constant i hate it and i love it kinda thing. but with piano i dont get this type of burnout. i can just sit at my piano anytime and play whatever i want. i dont ever intend to play in front of audience (maybe) so it just feels really freeing. like im doing this only for myself. 

and playing piano is genuinely the first time ive ever picked up a hobby and never compared myself to anyone. everytime i would pick up a new hobby i would probably give it up in like a year or two max because i just cant stop comparing myself and i never really even enjoyed it in the first place. i get tired of things so easily and my jealousy of others really poisons the entire hobby entirely. 

i know i just picked up piano again but i hope it actually sticks this time. i want to do this forever just for myself. im not even good at piano or bad at it and thats ok. im pretty average but i really do love the piano. it kinda feels like ive been born to play this instrument like it makes me happy. i dont really have good grades or great at stem related things. i dont really like people or conversing and im not happy most of the time but piano makes me feel for a moment.

did ts just for fun

albums that changed me lowkey im ngl this was so hard to do because i was thinking abt albums that shaped my youth but i never really listened to albums except for a few so 💀 i have many songs that changed the trajectory of my life but not albums this was kinda embarrassing to do

this is just albums that changed me not necessarily my favorites albums ever tho a few are on there. this such a goofy list bro