daily thoughts

people with mental disorders and shame/hatred

too often i see so many ppl with mental disorders that cope with their condition by shaming themselves and hating on others. 

like ppl like these:

their reply under the og tweet. its interesting how the way they speak didnt
even get them to clean up their room so it didnt really help but they think that it did

i hate psychoanalyzing people and ppl who psychoanalyze others bcuz u will never truly know what someone is really like/what theyre thinking abt. BUT let me just do it this one time

im not saying theyre wrong or right but i see so many ppl like this. im like this too im ngl. i dont have depression but i just hate a lot of things abt my life and i have other problems that are not depression 😭and this is how i cope too. 

its so weird how i both love and hate other people that are like me. i always intrinsically feel empathetic towards other ppl that behave like me because ive been there too but then i also absolutely hate them because they remind me of myself. 

when i hear about all the horrors in the world, i feel like crying which shows that i have empathy towards others and strangers. but whenever i actually get close to someone, i just lose all my empathy 💀the phrase familiarity breeds contempt is something that i can relate to too much cuz it happens everytime 😭i feel sad whenever i see a stranger being sad but then i cant even do the simplest good deed for my friend. im so sick bruh. im so terribly complicated

yknow relating back to the last post i made abt friendship i think i was raised with enough decency and empathy towards strangers but not being able to form good long-lasting friendships just damaged something in my brain. well not damaged just never developed. or i got some personality disorder from my mom cuz my mom acts a lot like me too.

it sucks dealing with low self esteem. genuinely how do u help urself. relating back to that tweet i posted, i also feel like i should just suck it up and do shit by myself but that really isnt helping me with my self esteem. i cant seem to gain any compassion for myself. living with low self esteem is crazy bro i genuinely believe that im going to have to live with this forever. because getting rid of it might be the hardest thing to ever do. 

unrelated and unserious but i would go so hard if i was a fictional character. im soo... multifaceted. 

i hate the word easy

easy has got to be one of my least favorite words of all time. and yes its cuz of my low self esteem. i cant stand it whenever ppl say something is easy while i struggle to even comprehend it. like no making friends is not easy. studying is not easy. analyzing is not easy. learning music theory is not easy. being kind is not easy. its hard like SHUT UP!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭

i really should stop comparing myself to others but idk how. ive actually been trying not to but i still do it without even thinking 💀 i genuinely hate people who can just be content and happy learning on their own and not compare themselves to others

since everyone copes and improves themselves in different ways. bro i genuinely think the only thing that can change me is watching/reading a piece of a fiction so life altering it actually inspires me to better myself. i mean thats basically what ashita no joe did to me. but i need another one thats about not comparing urself to others 💀 the best medicine is not laughter, its art actually. i cant believe watching anime and reading manga is the only thing that can fix me

daily thoughts 2/4/26

truth nuke

this tweet is frying me bruh. but its true yall dont get it. asian americans are truly so stem brained and they love their ai more than anything else. living chatgpt humans is crazy 💀 i need to start putting that phrase in my regular lexicon

who up thinking abt them

aw aw aw

actual hetdiamond for real

also random but i really love haruka's voice like that is exactly how i imagined him to sound like. like yes that is haruka kokonose. mamoru miyano cooked so hard. i can see why so many ppl glaze him now.

daily thoughts 2/3/26

did this again

i stole this from jp twt thats basically just ur favs chart. these things are so fun to do

random

btw yall whos ur guys fav from mane 6 mlp. i actually thought hard abt this and i think its twilight tbh. idk why but i always liked her. i love all of mane 6 so it was hard to do. but twilight idk i relate the most to her personality. and i love her awkwardness but not like shy-type of awkwardness more like shes so aloof. also i feel like im one of the only people who actually liked that she became an alicorn

mane 6 ranking for fun:

1. twilight

2. rarity

3. applejack

4. fluttershy

5. rainbow dash

6. pinkie pie

idgaf abt pinkie pie tbh she annoying af shes the only one out of mane 6 that i lowkey dislike. yknow my favs when i was a kid were rainbow dash and fluttershy lol. but now theyre at the bottom. feel like ive grown to like mature characters now. i still like rainbow dash but she lowkey annoying a lot of the times actually. i love rarity now tho when i used to not care abt her shes so... generous... haha

why are they lowkey the same character. do yall think fujimoto was a kagepro fan too. cuz theyre really similar nglll. like kyomoto got the birthmark and same sketchbook and everything (ik the maruman zuan sketchbook is popular in japan but still) theyre both like "special" kids at school. and they both like to draw and they both really admire their one singular friend. and they both lowkey die in a tragic way despite having big hopes and dreams. and their soulmate has to deal with grief and regret forever. 

daily thoughts 2/2/26

having "those" thoughts again

i dont really mourn my teenagehood at all like maybe 10% but i lowkey dgaf. but something i do mourn is how it basically ruined me to function normally. like i have a very skewed view on relationships. i do like my friends but sometimes i just be hating on them for no reason 💀 and i genuinely dont know why 😭

idk maybe i still have the lowest self esteem possible and i truly cant believe people actually like me and enjoy hanging around me so i start to hate them because i think theyre faking?? 💀something inside me just wont let me be normal. maybe i wish for too much idk. cuz i do like my friends but we dont do anything outside of school and barely ever text. maybe this is normal and i just watch too much fiction to start thinking of life as a movie where u and ur best friends do everything together when it isnt.

im an introvert but i truly hate being alone 😭and i dont mean loneliness alone i mean like alone alone i hate being by myself all the time but i also hate being around others who i cant connect with 💀

also bro my friends dont ever tell me anything bro 😭😭like i show them everything like my art, comics, my grades, my assignments but they dont 💀 like i have c's and b's that i proudly show to my friend but she wont show me hers like girl is it really that serious. and i also tsalk abt my problems and my feelings to my friends and they dont really know how to respond and thats fine honestly. i just wish they would do the same to me so i dont feel like im yknow like burdening them. i wish i could have a friend where we werent afraid to be truthful, genuine, and serious when we have to be. bro all my friendships are so irony poisoned. maybe they dont talk to me cuz im terrible at comforting ppl or being nice IDK my friends wont tell me stuff so IDK 😭i hope im someone good to talk to 💀sometimes i wonder if my friends really see me as a friend or just someone to crack jokes with (which i enjoy dont get me wrong but like i said i wish for too much i think). or maybe theyre all doing mentally well and im the mentally sick one so they dont have any problems to tell IDKK. KMS

having no friends as a kid truly messes u up bro. well... i did have atleast 1 friend every year so like idk why im like this. i still dont really understand the concept of friendship like idk how to define it. but ig im still learning abt it. 

and man ive been having the worst existential dread since the #news hit and the #files released. i genuinely cant believe how cartoonishly evil such few people in this world are. genuinely got sick to my stomach hearing the things our government officials and world leaders are committing. i couldnt sleep for like 2 days and i even felt like crying. i feel so bad for all the children who got victimized. i genuinely hope every conservative dies for real. i dont care anymore. and i cant believe so few ppl are talking abt this too like how can u be normal after reading all this.

mekakucity actors (episode 9-10)