daily thoughts 9/6/25

mariko shinobu.

trying so hard rn not to regress back into my pathetic nobody loves me and nobody cares abt me phase 💔everytime i think like this i think abt mariko shinobu. bro she really is the teenage girl of all time. the most teenage girl character of all time. thinking nobody likes you and have low self esteem and lonely asf and lowkey having a homoerotic relationship with ur girl best friend and the sucidial ideation and hating urself and hating urself 

im going thru it rn i need to be positive at all tims or elses i will explodes... need to care more abt my freinds...

see how the world goes around! you've got to help yourself! see how the world goes around! and you may help me! (ymo lyrics)

fucking badass picture of yukihiro takahashi holding a fish

fucking badass picture of yukihiro takahashi holding a fish

fucking badass picture of yukihiro takahashi holding a fish

song otd 9/5/25

ok yeah so idk what happened yesterday im normal now. i swear i got some disorder or something. like bipolar disorder. cuz one day im like i hate my friends i hate my family i hate everyone. and then the next day im like why did i say that im such a terrible person.

Today's song of the day is Diversey Beach by Resavoir! ive been listening to resavoir a lot recently. theyre lowkey so good. very nice.... very calm.... perfect to listen to if ur doing hw or something. just pure vibes. theyre like american lamp to me except they sound nothing alike so theyre actually not like lamp at all. wanna read a book while listening to resavoir and sitting outside under all the nature. #vibes

daily thoughts 9/4/25

sad again

the way ive defeated the social anxiety but not the soul crushing loneliness. idk i feel like its just this school tbh cuz i still havent found a single person who i felt a connection with.

yall know that one saying that one quote or whatever where its like "you wait for someone to get disappointed in you" thats me except im the opposite lol i get disappointed by people a lot 😭😭

i was having the worst day ever today and literally on the verge of crying and i told my friend to stop bothering me and she wouldnt stop fucking bothering me. so yeah i almost cried today. i didnt even tell her to comfort me because i know her ass cant comfort for shit. i just told her to leave me alone. 

in my i hate my friends and my family and everyone phase again </3

genuinely convinced nobody actually likes me and only likes me when im trying to be funny

i hate it so much whenever i have a mental breakdown cuz ive never found a way to properly cope with it and im just miserable for a day or two and its genuinely impossible for me to be happy again until like tomorrow

and whenever i cry i mean i CRY like so much to the point where i genuinely feel like throwing up and my body temperature is so high my head hurts and all i can do is lay down

speaking of throwing up idk why but ever since like 3-4 months ago ive always felt like throwing up for no reason and i keep coughing like that type of coughing that u do whenever u feel like throwing up

whatever whatever i need to go listen to ryuichi sakamoto and learn the joy of life again thank you for existing ryuichi sakamoto the way ill never kill myself because of ymo and ryuichi sakamoto

<3

is it only me or does anyone else see the heart keyboard emoticon like this like a face

daily thoughts 9/3/25

aint no way ppl dont listen to music

my econ class last week did all about me presentations and u had to answer the question who ur fav band/artist is and several people were like i dont listen to a lot of music or i have too many favorites to choose. like bro i know ur ass is lying!!! aint no way u dont listen to music or dont have a specific favorite artist. just be real bro its not embarrassing 💔

me and this one other person at my table and this one dude were like the only ones who didnt name a mainstream artist loll. i really told the whole class my fav band is ymo. everyone else said like sza and drake and kanye and like thats ok but i feel like some of them are just lying so that they can fit in and dont get made fun of

daily thoughts 9/2/25

im sick

im sick.

HOMESTUCK!!

im actually so excited for the homestuck animated pilot thats gonna come out this month omg. im so exciting bro. ive been reading the homestuck webcomic and im ngl acts 1-2 are so ass. im in act 3 rn and it got slightly better. im excited for act 4 cuz people say thats when the story really starts to pick up. 

i hope the homestuck animated pilot makes acts 1-2 less confusing and more fun

daily thoughts 9/1/25

happy september

god how is it already september why is time going by so fast im scared pls stop reminding me of my wasted youth time

gaining my personality back

this school years been so great ive been gaining my personality back. when i was a little kid i used to be a brave and bold kid that sometimes even bullied other kids LMAO but after a few years i became shy and isolated and lonely but now i think im starting to gain my old personality back. ive always felt like i was a brave and snarky and sarcastic type of character and im glad its starting to show up more now that ive started talking to a lot of people. it used to take almost like 6 months for me to start opening up my true self to others but now its like idc anymore. i used to be afraid of making jokes and stuff. 

also im glad im an initiator now instead of wallowing in my own self pity of my pathetic urhggh why wont anyone talk to me. im happy to be a leader instead of letting others take care of me. i feel like an adult lol. also its so much easier for me to hold a conversation when im the one leading it. i also love including others in my own circle. i feel like such a kind and caring person now. i truly changed wow. for once in my life i actually feel confident abt myself like even when i get talked over or something im just like whatever. not a big deal. i always used to get sad whenever i got talked over or ignored but its just like wahtever now yknow i know my worth! i know deep in my heart i was always meant to be a natural born leader! 

a flower is not a flower

just thought abt this song again god its so beautiful man. yknow when ryuichi talked abt the sounds and silence between the notes i had no idea what he meant but now i know. the silence in between the notes in this song is so heavy and says so much. its like this song was meant to be a duet but the other person is gone and now ur just playing by urself. and as the song goes on u try to fill in the gaps left by the other person by playing the notes in the silence. trying to overcome ur grief and trying so hard to make the song happier and forcing urself be happier. do u guys get what im saying. im gonna cry

SPEAKING of ryuichiii...

i always think abt this one review on letterboxd of that ryuichi sakamoto documentary coda. god this person really nailed the message that ryuichi sakamoto wanted to send out to the world. its worded so beautifully and perfectly. my favorite hobby really is listening to ryuichi sakamoto's music and thinking abt how beautiful life can be and how humans get to create art even in the worst of times. man who would i be without ryuichi sakamoto. genuinely the biggest inspiration in my life on literally everything.

karkalicious definition makes terezi loco she wants to know the secrets that she cant taste in my photo dying just to know the flavor i aint doing HER no favors no reasons why i tease her flush just comes and goes like seasons im karkalicious